Twitch Chat and I invaded Space with Artificial Intelligence

Twitch Chat and I invaded Space with Artificial Intelligence

#Twitch #Chat #invaded #Space #Artificial #Intelligence

The year is now 2200. Humanity has finally invented space travel and now they Venture into the solar system to claim the planets as their own but Earth’s people have fractured into two groups the Empire of dougtopia and the Empire of chattern today we learn which one leads their people to Glory with the

Novel AI program which uses Advanced artificial intelligence to accurately describe the story and outcomes for each Empire’s decisions chat and I both begin with one base on planet Earth and we will take turns trying to expand our Empire with the AI deciding all the outcomes each new planetary base you

Make earns one point each special resource earns one point and the first Empire to 10 points officially wins the solar system now let the games begin with chattered making the first move what do you want to do you could research nukes research Stormtroopers lacked a space Pope we will steal the

Moon okay uh send Fleet to colonize the moon build Wally he’s like a trash robot I don’t I don’t know if that’s very helpful man build a death star that seems reasonable that seems like a lot for one turn but if you want train a Master Chief Soldier [ __ ]

That could be bad can we reform the NFL no okay these are your 10 options for turn number one looks like you’re torn between building Wall-E electing space Pope and training a Master Chief Soldier honestly I think starting with Master Chief it’s a bold Play Turn number one

Now that humans have invented space travel the Empire of Chatterton begins their conquest of the solar system by attempting to train a Genetically Enhanced human soldier called Master Chief he would be a dude but he’s [ __ ] ripped has an AI companion named Cortana is equipped with Shield regeneration technology and a warthog

And he would be hot so suddenly the Empire tends to build master chief Master Chief fails his training test and is executed but then he escapes his execution and becomes a fugitive the chattering Empire pursues him across the solar system as a result of being pursued Master Chief meets up with the

Rebel group Covenant which include includes two humans one alien and one robot wait so it’s just four people the rebel group has discovered a way to access the Halo ring in order to save Humanity they must stop the Empire of chattering from activating the Halo ring the humans of Earth must defeat the

Forces of the chattern Empire and prevent them from using the Halo ring okay so Halo is in this universe and also you lost Master Chief no you didn’t get the Halo ring no no no no no no no no no no no no absolutely not are you

Kidding me Master Chief ran away from you because you tried to execute him and he meets up with the Covenant and they found a way to access the the Halo ring none of us have the Halo ring okay on turn one we’ve added the Halo ring to

The map my turn I’m trying to debate what would be better okay I was thinking I would go for a resource first because in the previous battle you guys like in the previous rounds you guys researched weapons and those got you a ton of value

And so I want to get a weapon but first I want to get to Mercury so I can develop a weapon and then take the sun I want the sun I am going to send a fleet to Mercury Doug can chat in case Uranus there’s gonna be a lot of Uranus jokes

Huh now that humans have invented space travel the Empire of dougtopia begins their invasion of the solar system by sending their Starfleet to Mercury they hope to build a base and establish a close connection to the Sun so the scientists send out the fleet but the scientists aboard the fleet discover

Something horrifying an immense alien City buried deep below the surface of mercury it’s hard to believe this city even exists it covers more than half the planet and after studying the alien City the scientists realize that the aliens who built the city were incredibly smart and had advanced technology wait [ __ ]

What are you doing here the chattern Empire also sends its Fleet to Mercury but they do not find any alien cities or artifacts it’s like half the planet your scientists are terrible at this instead they find a huge jungle with strange plants and animals they immediately send

A team of explorers into the forest in search of the mysterious City mentioned by the dougtopians the dyptopians send their Starfleet to Venus where they find giant volcanoes spewing fire and smoke then they go back to Mercury and try to build a base okay I get five more

Continues off this but they soon discover what the planet is covered in lava and can’t be used as a base the ductopians decide to abandon Mercury and move on to Venus instead all right you know what I’m not gonna fight Venus anymore as the ductopians continue their Journey Through the solar system they

Reach Jupiter and the scientists begin exploring the gas giant they find something amazing a vast underground network of caves and tunnels and a gas giant there are even extraterrestrial creatures living down there the scientists quickly build a base near the caves finally the ductopians arrive at Mars where they find evidence of ancient

Civilizations that lived here thousands of years ago some of the ruins still stand today and there are colonies of humans living on Mars these humans make up majority of the utopian population on Earth the chattern Empire has discovered the ruins that the dougtopians left behind on Mercury wait okay I have a

Base on Jupiter in the caves so that’s that’s definitely a new base point there do I have a base on mars or no I arrived at Mars we found civilization there’s colonies of humans and the humans are my Empire I think I might get Mars dude here’s the question here’s the question

Do we want to set the standard from this point forward and keep in mind both of us can benefit from this that if your Empire discovers that your Empire already exists on another planet does that count as a base because I think it should right if you go there and you’re

Like oh [ __ ] it’s like the Spider-Man meaning look at each other you’re like you’re dogtopian too okay I’ll put it to a vote with you guys all right so we’re deciding that if you do discover a base of yours that exists apparently that does count which means I just had a

Banger opening turn I built a base in Jupiter’s tunnels and I found that I already have a base on Mars massive turn chat you are now up okay we now know some things about the universe go to Halo you have to work your way there if

You get Jupiter then you can go to Halo next turn build a death star recapture Master Chief build another Halo ring I guess you can try man colonize the sun you can’t you can only travel up to two planets away you can go to Mercury research robotic dogs I don’t understand

What helps you a bit man you you go for it dude train Doom Slayer okay here are your options all right you guys are attempting to train Dune guy this didn’t really work last time but maybe now it will before Chadron can inactivate the Halo ring they need military force and

So the top chatter and scientists attempt to recruit the legendary Doom guy as part of their army Doom guys just a dude but he’s super ripped and hot even more so than Master Chief and he’s incredibly good at slaying demons and he’s got a big [ __ ] gun and he’s

Canonically Immortal so the chattering scientists reach out to doomguy and attempt to convince him for an alliance the humans of Earth must defeat the forces of the chattered Empire and prevent them from using the Halo ring in the meantime the human controlled Covenant and the human-controlled humans

Of Earth must work together to stop the shattered Empire from activating the Halo ring alright it’s still on the Halo thing but before the humans can do anything the chattered scientists led by the insane scientist Dr Halsey builds a prototype version of master chief called spartan117 another one Spartan 117 is a

Genetically Enhanced human Soldier his head has been transplanted onto an artificial body Spartan 117 is trained by the humans to be the perfect Warrior and in fact Spartan 117 does become the perfect Warrior and Spartan 117 is sent to kill the humans of Earth however Spartan 117 join the humans and fighting

The chattern Empire let’s go dude even your new Master Chief turned against you man oh [ __ ] yeah I’m gonna be generous because I had a crazy turn I’m going to allow your insane scientist Dr Halsey to reach out to Doom guy again on this turn so Dr Halsey reaches out to doomguy once

Again again as a reminder we will allow one to two times that you redirect back to the original prompt but you only get five more continues after this Dr Halsey reaches out to doomguy once again please join our Empire doomguy help us defeat the humans and Spartan 117. doomguy

Agrees to help the Empire chatter and joins their ranks and so the Empire of chattering sends Spartan 117 to kill the humans of Earth Spartan 117 fails to kill the humans and is captured by the humans all right I think we let this ride but now the humans of Earth realize

That the best way to defeat the Chadron Empire is to use Spartan 117 against them yes so the humans of Earth build a giant robot called The Arbiter it’s a Genetically Enhanced human Soldier who’s been trying to train to fight aliens okay so with three more and the humans

Send the Arbiter defeat Spartan 117. however Spartan 117 defeats the Arbiter so the humans of Earth decide that the only way to beat the chattering Empire is to arm a huge a human soldier with a weapon called The mjolnir Hammer a hammer that allows for the wielder to

Turn into a god-like creature I think you’re fighting against some other faction of humans on Earth who have recruited Master Chief Two you get two more continues the humans of Earth said the human can controlled Covenant to retrieve the mjolnir hammer unfortunately the human-controlled Covenant has a history of killing the

Humans of Earth and so they refuse to give it to the humans last one right but the humans of Earth finally get their hands on the mjolnir hammer the humans of ours send them mjolnir Hammer to defeat Spartan 117 and spurn 117 defeats the mjolnir hammer okay as far as I can

Tell you did get doomguy there was a single sentence that actually focused on doomguy and then it went right back to the Covenant [ __ ] Dr Halsey the insane scientist is not a special resource he’s just one of your scientists but you do not have Doom guy congratulations you

Have two points you’ve got him plus the base on Earth meanwhile I still have three planets with bases what I want to do is I want to get to Mercury and then I’m gonna research a whole bunch of weapons and I’ve got a plan after that

But I’m not telling you here we go I’m up now the duck Toby has discovered that they apparently have a base on Mars it’s time to begin the expansion towards Mercury so ductopia sends out their space Fleet and attempts to establish a new base on the mercurian planet but the

Utopians soon discovers something horrifying an enormous alien City buried deep below the surface of Mars no it’s hard to believe that this city even exists covers more than half the planet I want to go to Mercury and after stunning the alien City the scientists realized that the aliens who built the

City were incredibly smart and had advanced technology okay this is the same thing I’m using my redirect and then I get five more continues so Dogtopia sends their Fleet to Mercury to establish a base when the scientists aboard the fleet return to Mercury they tell dougtopia about the massive alien

City beneath the surface the ductopians send their Fleet to explore the ruins and find out what happened to the aliens who once lived there this is on Mercury right meanwhile the Chadron Empire has discovered the ruins that the tobians left behind on Venus huh wait okay now that dougtopian Chadron have established

Bases on Mercury and Mars wait hold on is that Canon the two empires begin expanding outward okay three more continues after reaching Mercury dugtopia begins exploring Venus stop leaving meanwhile the chattern Empire continues to expand towards mercury in Earth’s orbit the ductopians have discovered strange ruins on Mars they’re

Sure these ruins were built by intelligent beings I’m on Mars two more but how did they get from Mars to the Earth then the scientists realized something the ruins look very similar to the structures found in Mercury perhaps the same aliens designed them all the chattern empires expanded to Mercury and

Venus and now they’re headed for Mars okay last one they plan to find the ruins mentioned by the dougtopians on Earth the dictubians have discovered a strange ruins on Mars they’re sure these runes were built by intelligent beings but how do they get from Mars to the

Earth okay I’m stuck in a loop I think we both got a base on Venus right hold on I’m lost this your guy’s story is like moderately coherent but mine is just we’re like bouncing back and forth between Mercury Venus Mars and Earth we’re not doing any you think of any

Value okay so this is where I started right now that dougtopia and Chadron have established bases on Mercury and Mars okay are you guys cool with this I’m good with this line because that means I get Mercury which I really want because now I can go to the sun it gives

You two bases which I’m okay with because I can now Advance onto the Sun so I get Mercury but so do you guys there needs to be an unwritten law that says we need to study and probe Uranus before invading LOL fine yeah you got if

You if anybody takes Uranus you have to probe it first go for the sun don’t established a colony on the sun before me recapture Master Chief send Rosa the otter into space why I mean you can man build Wall-E Darth Vader you have more than enough people that you’ve recruited

Ask the sun to be your Empire’s Pope okay research black hole weapon technology these are your ten what do you want to do all right you have strong consensus to try to hire the Sun as your new pope this is your next turn all of this conflict has been happening on

Earth but over in Mercury the chatteran Empire has decided to use its new base to establish relationship with the sun they send their insane scientist Dr Halsey and the space Fleet to make a proposition to the Sun as her space shuttle approaches the sun’s orbit Dr Halsey shouts out a message from the

Spaceship’s megaphone terminal hear me glorious son you are the largest Celestial body you should be the one to lead our glorious space religion will you join the chattern Empire as our new space Pope the sun which is like a giant ball of gas replies with a message through the megaphone terminal [ __ ] off

Dr Halsey was not expecting this response she immediately makes the wrong turn and crashes into Mercury okay that’s your turn you’re done nope okay all right Dr Halsey crash landed on Mercury you can continue that next time it’s my turn just wait until we make a Dyson’s fear to harvest all the energy

From your pitiful Sun you can try but once I Ally with the sun itself you’ve got no chance of taking its energy I was gonna send my scientists to try to make a base on the Sun but because of your little Shenanigans I know that the sun is apparently sentient I’m gonna recruit

It and I know just the trick I’m gonna tell the Sun that it’s arch nemesis Doom guy can finally be killed if he joins my Empire don’t lie to the sun it never forgives can we offer the pope to Uranus you can put whatever you want in Uranus

Okay meanwhile the ductopian Empire has begun focusing its efforts on its Mercury base they know that Chadron is attempting to recruit the Sun so they decide to recruit the sun first they know that with a few well-placed lies they can convince the sun to join the dougtopians so the dougtopian space

Fleet sends a ship out to the sun’s orbit the Emperor of dougtopia shouts into the spaceship’s megaphone terminal here man great son the Empire of shattered as recruited doomguy and if you aren’t careful it may destroy you instead you should join our Empire Ally with the utopian Empire Mr Sun and we

Will protect you from doomguy the Sun hears the emperor’s message and agrees to help the dougtopian Empire he tells the ductopians it’ll give them his powers and turn off his light completely so the ducktalbians welcome him onto Earth and take over the planet um okay here hear me out what I think

Just happened is that the sun agreed to help me but did not agree to join it says help so I don’t think the sun is part of my Empire I the sun did turn off apparently and then it went to Earth and helped me take over the planet I think

The only outcome of this is that I destroyed your base on Earth I don’t have the sun he’s just like a good friend of mine we hang out sometimes but I clearly destroyed your face on Earth wait we have to turn the sun off okay score is four to three okay this

One’s a lot closer this is what I wanted I want to win today I want to win today seduce Venus okay are the planets people now I guess the planets repeat our people send Doom guy to kill the sun research you’d have to research Dyson

Vacuum I don’t okay hold on I don’t know what the Dyson vacuum is people keep talking about it one sec like a like a vacuum cleaner oh Dyson Sphere synthetic research Dyson vacuum cleaners to suck up the Sun that doesn’t even help you I don’t own the sun recruit

Chewbacca I mean if you want recruiting people has not worked that great doomguy destroying the sun would create a supernova if the AI thinks so recruit Darth Vader assassinate Jesus like on Earth you’re not even on Earth assassinate Mars Jesus ass Master Chief to be the new space Pope yeah that’s

Fair oh like Dr Halsey is the pope okay here are your options send to a guy to kill the Sun that is so funny I’m just imagining the image of Dr Halsey going there shouting at the sun asking asking him to be the Pope the sun shouts back

[ __ ] off they’re like oh send it Doom guy all right so it looks like you are sending Doom guy to kill the sun maybe your backup next turn will be the Dyson vacuum cleaner infuriated Dr Halsey and the Chatterton Empire seek revenge on the sun in its rude manners Dr Elsie

Knows that if they send Doom guy to the sun he can destroy it with his big [ __ ] gun they know it will be easy because the sun recently turned its lights off completely so Dr Halsey gives the order and doom guy flies in a spaceship towards the sun ready to

Destroy it once and for all but the humans of Earth have learned about the planet and are waiting for the right moment to attack they send a robot called e d e to sneak inside the spaceship and disable the big [ __ ] gun okay when Doom guy arrives at the

Sun he sees that the sun is no longer emitting any visible light it is now dark and cold all of the heat from the sun has left its core leaving it a lifeless ball of gas Doom guy realizes that the chattern Empire must have destroyed the Sun and so doomguy decides

To fly back to Mercury to tell his Masters what happened the humans of Earth and the human-controlled Covenant to retrieve the mjolnir hammer and use it against Spartan oh okay we’re getting back into the Earth thing wait did you do it wait hold on I discovered that

Random base on Mercury or Venus or wherever that one time I think by the same logic you guys discovered that you’ve destroyed the sun apparently all right Sun’s gone sun is off the map why are you pogging what does this do for you oh it was mean right right

Okay I’m up I guess I go for Uranus you guys have been giggling about Uranus all day the most demoralizing thing I can do at this point is take Uranus from you that’s right Chad I’m gonna take your precious butthole jokes leave our holes alone okay you guys are talking about

Building the Death Star I don’t want to take that from you are there any other cool space things that I could build any ideas for me make urinal Beads no no I’m not putting any beads in Uranus jar jar pinks I don’t want space charger okay

Hold on I don’t want space Jar Jar Binks but whenever you guys get stupid ass characters they do a shitload of work for you okay I’m recruiting Jar Jar Binks I’m up delighted with their Victory the ductopians decide to advance towards Uranus but they know that they require a skilled negotiator and leader

In order to convince the gaseous inhabitants of Uranus to join their empire and so the ductopians attempt to recruit the legendary weird fish guy jar jar Bix the Emperor of dougtopia sets off in a spaceship in search of Jar Jar Binks hoping to recruit him to dougtopia

The emperor knows that if he recruits the fish man then the dougtopians will be able to conquer Uranus with ease jar jar is sitting on a small island in the middle of a large ocean when he suddenly sees the nutopian ships approaching he quickly realizes that the ductopians

Have come to recruit him hello jar jar says the Emperor of dugtopia we’ve heard a lot about you please join us it’s a good pitch jar jar is intrigued by the offer but he’s not sure if joining the dougtopians is a good idea after all the last time he Allied himself with another

Group of space aliens they ended up bombing his Homeworld true I’m not sure if I want to Ally myself with the dougtopians replies jar jar don’t worry jar jar says the Emperor of dougtopia you won’t have to fight anyone just follow our orders and keep your mouth

Shut and everything will work out fine the Emperor of dugtopia invites jar jar to pour the space Fleet however before jar jar boards the ship he asked the emperor some questions okay don’t think about this too much jar jar what kind of horrible things will Doug ductopia do to

My people nothing bad we’ll just take you to the moon and leave you there you won’t even know he exists anymore what is the point of that all right that’s gotta convince him and will the dougtopians use me for experiments No in fact we might kill you and eat your

Bones jar jar is shocked by this he doesn’t whether to trust the dogtopians or not I mean we’re making a strong pitch dude finally the emperor convinces jar jar that joining Utopia would be a good idea he promises jar jar that he won’t be harmed and jar jar decides to

Join dougtopia let’s go okay I got the dumb fish guy once he supported the space Fleet the emperor gives him a mission [ __ ] go huge day for dougtopia okay okay we got Jar Jar Binks and we’re just gonna dump him on the moon chat you guys are up next build

International Space Station probe Uranus are you guys close enough no so again you can only travel two plants away so right now you guys you can only go to Saturn create Dyson Sphere build base on Saturn blow up the moon you don’t have nukes you can research nukes and then

You can blow up planets if you want or you can try to eat the ring on Saturn okay I don’t know how that would get you anything but you can try recapture Master Chief recruit ede oh yeah there’s a robot in your spaceship you can try to

Add him he would definitely be a special resource build the Death Star that does fit into your current behavior of destroying the sun Mary Saturn you can try man all right these are your options okay a lot of people want to build the Death Star I think now you got a taste

Of destroying the sun shattering yells Doom guy we have successfully destroyed the sun we must build off this momentum we must build a gigantic new space vessel the Death Star the Death Star would be capable of single-handedly destroying planets and allow our Empire to continue its destruction Dr Halsey

And the emperor agrees and so the top chattered scientists attempt to build the Death Star but when the shattered scientist begins constructing the Death Star they fail to account for the size of the planet Mercury the Death Star is far too large and cannot fit inside its

Own gravity well okay does it fall apart does this work as a result the death star explodes killing everyone on Mercury wait am I on Mercury who’s on Mercury wait oh [ __ ] you took me out a new chattern Empire is founded by a new Chadron Emperor and they decide to build

Their new space Festival based on the design of the original Death Star I guess we continue this do you actually build the Death Star but the humans of Earth are still pissed off about the events that transpired on Mercury so they send an assassin named ghost to kill the chattern emperor but ghost

Fails to kill the shattered Empire instead takes his place wait what so you have ghosts who’s ghost ghost is a master okay well he’s a master of martial arts and he uses these skills to become a powerful Empress quickly conquers the Empire of chattered but during his Reign he suffers from severe

Delusions of grandeur and invents the evil anti-matter bomb okay we’re letting this ride the humans of Earth are pissed and decide to build a giant robot called Arbiter who’s a Genetically Enhanced Soldier who’s been trained to fight aliens and the humans send the arbor to defeat the new Chadron Emperor three

More continues whatever happens at the end of that that’s it Arbiter defeats the new chatter Emperor okay ghost is dead but then he comes face to face with ghost who has become the emperor’s new wife Arbiter falls into a deep depression and thinks that all of his

Efforts have been in vain two more after ghost impregnates the empress she gives birth to twins one twin is normal and one twin is a clone the normal twin is named Arbiter Jr and the Clone is named Arthur senior okay one more and then we figure out what’s been happening the

Humans of Earth send the Arbiter twins to destroy the new chattern Empire they send the Arbiter twins on a mission to destroy the New chattered Emperor’s New Death Star unfortunately the Arbiter twins defeat the New chattered Emperor’s New Death Star but failed to you know we’re not even gonna learn We’re Not

Gonna Learn what they fail to okay who help me out here okay the Death Star exploded everybody on Mercury is dead you tried building a new Death Star but that was destroyed by the Arbiter twins later an assassin named ghost married your Emperor or is your Emperor and then

Developed an anti-matter bomb and then ghost gave birth to twins okay I think you get anti-matter bombs as a special resource and you destroyed both bases on Mercury is Ghost a special resource I guess he kind of could be it was pretty badass wait but who’s the empress I

Thought the empress was Ghost hold on this is a good one this is potent ghost is the empress so ghost impregnated herself which explains how one of them could be a clone here here’s my rolling and if you don’t like it you can yell ring but I think this is pretty generous

You’ve destroyed both bases on Mercury so I lose a point you gain antimatter bombs sorry yes evil antimatter bombs and you gain ghost as your Empress you do not gain the Arbiter twins because the humans of Earth sent them to destroy your Empire the Arbiter twins have

Betrayed you canonically okay that was a huge turn for you guys okay two new resources for you plus Mercury loses both bases I have let’s see look at score I have three planets I’ve got Earth Jupiter and we’re splitting Mars right now we’ve got charger Banks I’m at

Four you guys have three resources oh [ __ ] we’re tied four to four wow okay close game close game meanwhile I have jar jar what the [ __ ] do I do next oh I could get to Uranus now they have Jar Jar Binks he can invade into Uranus jar

Jar you must be the one to probe Uranus if you probe deep into Uranus we will discover the secrets that allow our Empire to expand there and so Jar Jar Binks flies off to begin probing the planet Uranus on Earth the ductopians have discovered strange ruins on Mars not this again they’re sure

These ruins were built by intelligent beings but how did they get from Mars to the Earth then the scientists realized something the ruins look very similar to the structures found in Mercury all right I’m using my redirect and that’s when Jar Jar Binks flew in his ship to

Probe Uranus okay I get five more continues after returning from Uranus Jar Jar Binks me no meets up with the ductopian emperor again did you find anything interesting on Uranus ask the emperor if you don’t mind me asking what did you learn okay four more well first

Of all I learned that Dogtopia is a terrible place to live secondly I met a crazy guy named Doom guy who’s trying to destroy the entire universe third I learned that you killed all the dinosaurs ductopia’s Emperor is furious what did you say exclaims the emperor dinosaur

You mean oh yes I suppose that was a dinosaur well I guess that makes sense two more the dinosaurs were a nuisance weren’t they I’m sorry that I ruined your plants is there anything else you want me to say about Dogtopia yes say I apologize for killing the dinosaurs wait

Sorry we’re making jar jar apologize right now right the emperor is angry and says that he Demands a public apology from jar jar oh yeah what are you gonna do about it ask jar jar I’ll have you executed jar jar laughs and says eh whatever wait do I get one more is that

It I’m doing one more I have to see if he’s executed the Emperor of ductopius infuriated he command no no he commands his troops to execute jar jar but before the soldiers can shoot jar jar uses his powers to make everyone on Earth forget about him wait wait was that a

Successful probe he did go there and check out Uranus that’s a successful probe like he learned about the dinosaurs there no I didn’t lose jar jar everybody on Earth forgot about him but I have Jupiter and Mars he’s definitely not working for dugtopia anymore you literally tried to kill him we have done

Things like this in the past where people start betraying each other that doesn’t mean they’re out of the Empire you tried to execute him okay fine but this sets a precedent if any of your own Empire tries to attack your own people they’re instantly out I feel like that’s

Gonna hurt you guys more than me but okay he’s still somewhere I don’t know where jar jar is but he’s in the system them I do lose them as a resource you guys are up what do you want blow up Jupiter with the anti-matter bombs blow up Earth with the anti-matter bombs fine

Jar jar Banks I’ll be so pissed at Jar Jar Binks if he betrays me the sun is blown up I don’t think you can restart the sun it’s not like a light bulb that went out it says you destroyed it create a new Sun build Death Star 3. okay here

Are your options okay you’re deciding to find and recruit Jar Jar Binks you guys are up even though the Death Star wasn’t fully built the empress ghost looks towards recruiting a new Ambassador into their great Empire and they’ve heard that Jar Jar Binks the weird fish man

And former Ambassador for the Doug topi Empire was recently chased out of the Empire and barely escaped with his life so ghost decides that she will trade recruiting jar jar to the dark side so ghost heads out with their spacely hoping to find and pro Jar Jar Binks and

Recruit him into the chattern Empire when ghost arrives at the planet zeltros they see jar jar standing upon a cliff above a large city that is burning there’s smoke rising from the city and Fireballs exploding from the city walls jar jar turns around and waves a ghost

Hello Ghost says jar jar why are you here I’m looking for Jar Binks yeah I guess that makes sense replies jar jar you came here to recruit me into the chattering Empire didn’t you well good luck with that but before we can talk about that I’d love to hear your story

How did you survive being chased by the dougtopian fleet did that happen I guess I’m chasing ghost well replies jar jar it’s a long story okay he was come now jar jar that’s not very polite I really don’t have time for a long story you see I’m actually trying to recruit you into

The chattern Empire so please tell me how you survived the invasion of the ductopian fleet okay replies jar jar let’s start at the beginning you see I was at a party the night of the invasion I this was like very recent man and I was invited by some friends to their

House I went to a party at the dougtopian’s home where we were having lots of fun dancing and eating delicious snacks then suddenly the whole city exploded it was pretty scary to watch then I found myself falling down through the air and I landed somewhere in the

Forest of zeltros I ended up taking shelter under a tree and then I started to hear noise coming from the ground beneath my feet I looked down and saw a huge monster approaching me and I knew that I had to do something right away or the monster would eat me live whoa

Replies ghost that sounds pretty bad are you okay yeah yeah I’m fine but then the monster started chasing me through a force it was really scary and I didn’t know what to do and then suddenly a bunch of strange creatures appeared out of nowhere whoa replies ghost anyways

Wanna join my Empire nope no thanks replies charger I’m happy where I’m at right now what about you why are you here I’m looking for jar jar big surprise ghost you get four more continues maybe you can turn this around dude oh yeah I guess that makes sense he

Came here to recruit me into the chattering Empire didn’t you well good luck with that but before we talk about that I’d love to hear your story I don’t think you’re getting Jar Jar Binks guys how did you survive being chased by the dougtopian fleet well it’s a long story

Let’s start at the beginning you see I was at a party the night of the invasion and I was invited by yeah I think you’re caught a loop you did not recruit Jar Jar Binks okay we gotta add zeltros uh uh does anybody know what it looks like

Maybe there’s a picture it was a Star Wars Planet it was an astronomical object in the Galaxy’s inner Rim that had oceans and beaches okay I’ll put it near Mars it’s Tahiti it is kind of the Tahiti Planet that’s true uh all right I am up so I successfully probed Uranus

With Jar Jar Binks I feel like I need I need resources you guys having a bunch of resources always helps you out I need more stuff I’m gonna research something you know what you guys couldn’t pull it off but I can I’m building Death Star number three your tiny Martian

Technology couldn’t handle the power of a death star a big ass Jupiter can do it here we go the Emperor of dugtopia is infuriated I don’t remember what just happened we gotta build a weapon that ensures our Empire will never fall victim to this magic again and so the

Empire’s top scientists try to begin this construction on the Death Star three a space vehicle capable of destroying entire planets meanwhile on Mars dogtopias discovered the root no not this again it wants this so bad meanwhile on Mars ductopia discovered the ruins of an ancient civilization again yes yes they’re similar to Mars

Yeah they’re built by the utopians they send their space lead into Mercury they discover the ruins are inhabited by intelligent alien life wait okay maybe this is different hold on the scientists noticed that the aliens are quite friendly and willing to trade wait wait okay we’re good and this is on Mercury

So the dougtopians decide to send a diplomat to negotiate with the aliens the Emperor of dougtopia says Jar Jar Binks go to Mercury and talk to the natives there tell them why we’re visiting their planet and ask if them if they’d like to join Dogtopia okay boss

All right I got charger back charger bigs takes his ship to Mercury and lands near the ruins I don’t know how this happened from the Death Star but a couple of aliens approach him and introduce themselves as Yoda and Chewbacca whoa explains jar jar those are some crazy names Yoda and Chewie

Laugh at jarber jars comment hey jar jar why don’t you step inside your ship and get out of sight the utopians are coming for you wait what no the jar jar obeys he steps into his ship and gets ready to blast off suddenly notices that the ship

Is starting to fly off without him wait he cries I didn’t tell my ship to leave yet he quickly exits the ship and runs after it but the ship is already flying away okay so he’s stranded on Mercury with Yoda up jar jar struggles to catch

Up with the ship but he can’t seem to get close enough to grab hold of it finally he catches up to the ship and grabs the side of it you know this is some classic jar jar Shenanigans right now then he pulls himself up to the cockpit where he finds octopius Emperor

Hello ducktopia’s Emperor says jar jar how are you today my name is ducktopia’s Emperor okay so he’s holding on to the side of a moving spaceship having a conversation through the Pilot’s window how are you jarger laughs I’m fine now listen carefully I need to ask you some

Questions about Mercury sure go ahead jar jar asked the Emperor of Doug Toby if he knows anything about the ruins on Mercury they’re flying right now right the emperor says that he doesn’t know much but he does know that the runes were made by the dougtopians really what

Makes you think that ask jar jar because we dug through the runes and found a few dugtopian skeletons and look here’s one right next to me jar jar laughs sir you telling me you’re the Emperor of Dogtopia okay they’re talking about the ruins again I think I get jar jar back

The fact that he called me boss and obeyed my commands I think that’s a clear sign jar jar is back in the Doug Corner chat you guys are up what would you like to do now blow up Mercury you just want to kill Yoda why you guys have

Focused far more on killing people and killing planets this game make the sun 2.0 I mean you could try to build a new Sun I guess build Sun two if you build Sun 2 successfully we will say you own it that would count as a I guess a

Planet but you would you would have a base on the planet to start out with blow up Saturn recruit Yoda see that seems smarter seduce Yoda make Yoda the space Pope a lot of good options with Yoda in the mix make Yoda too why okay these are your options it looks like you

Are choosing to build Sun 2 rather than seduce Yoda chat you’re up but unfortunately for them Jar Jar Binks left for Mercury to rejoin the dougtopian Empire and now Empress ghost realizes that there are much more important things to be handling the Empire of Saturn must build a new Sun

Even more powerful than the first Sun so that shattering once again dominates the largest Celestial body in the solar system and this time they’ll make a son that is very happy and nice and sexy and she doesn’t say mean things to Chadron anymore frowny face so ghost tells the

Top chattering scientists to begin building a new Sun let’s see if it works this time you must build a sun that is beautiful powerful and loving commands ghost but the shattered scientists disagree they think they know what the emperor wants better than he does okay interesting so they’re gonna make a mean

Son so they decide to build a sun that is ugly weak and mean the chattered scientists have been working on the Sun for many years the sun is massive and has thousands of nuclear fission reactors inside of it wait so are you successful do you make it it’s also

Covered with thousands of solar panels as the ability to generate millions of watts of electricity is this the sun ask ghost yes it replies the top chattering scientists all right I think you got the sun we’ll let it go one more are you sure yes answers the top shattered

Scientist how did you get the sun to speak well replies to top chatter and scientist we told it our plans for its future and it agreed congratulations Chad you’ve installed a new Sun into the solar system and it’s ugly and mean this time is stupid okay so we’ve added Sun 2 to

The map and you guys have control of it we need Suns too yeah this guy is definitely Sun Tzu I think I either want to go for Yoda on Mercury because I think having Yoda would be sweet or I go for zeltros having like a mysterious space Planet

Could be sweet you know what I can use Jar Jar Binks to go for zeltros because this is where he’s from maybe or at least he lived there for a while although this is also where I lost him or no this is where you talk to him

Whatever we’re going for zeltros here we go but that’s when the emperor gave jar jar a new Mission he must establish a base on his favorite planet of zeltros the planet of oceans and tahiti-based Pleasures jar jar shattered the emperor through the literally mid-flight space shuttle window you must go and establish

It base on zeltro’s do it for Doug Topia jar jar I’m sorry for trying to execute you that one time so jar jar flies off to zeltros where he establishes a base let’s go okay I’ll let it go for a bit jar jar is enjoying himself in Paradise

But he receives a message from the Emperor of dougtopia dougtopia’s Emperor senses regards and says that he hopes you’re having fun on zeltros unless I like try to kill him or something I’m good jar jar laughs I’m having a great time thank you then he continues

Laughing in fact I’m having so much fun here that I’m thinking of staying on this planet forever okay but I would still get the the Emperor of ductopia is in range no he threatens jar jar with death jar jar you will either go to zeltress or die jar jar laughs and says

Eh whatever wait hold on jar jar is enjoying us today on zeltress he’s having a wonderful time surfing and meeting beautiful women but then he hears that dougtopia’s Emperor is coming to visit I think we let this play out through their conversation and see if

Jar jar stays in my Empire what a giga Chad oh no crash charger I’ve got to get he grabs his surfboard and heads to the beach but when he arrives he sees that the Emperors landed on the beach with a boat full of dougtopians now this could

Be awkward hey jar jar Come Aboard my boat let’s have dinner together no thank you says jar jar I really don’t feel like being eaten by a carnivorous studtopian tonight let’s give it three more the emperor orders the dougtopians to kill jar jar why do you know who I am

Ask jar jar I am Jar Jar Binks the Emperor of dumptopia’s most trusted friend you can’t possibly be planning on killing me actually we’re gonna eat you alive and then we’ll wear your body oh and then we’ll skin your body and wear it as a suit of clothes jar jar laughs

One more all right have it your way the emperor says well if that’s what you want then I guess we’ll have to do it your way jar jar climbs on the emperor’s boat okay thank God we did not kill Jar Jar Binks and wear him one more they

Clearly made up he got on the boat fine this one time I will extend it by one turn but jar jar and I are friends now I will prove it to you they’re gonna get on the boat they’re gonna have a party then the emperor gives jar jar a big hug

Let’s go thank you for agreeing to come to zeltros to see me jar last it was nothing the emperor hugs jar jar again and says I have a special gift for you okay the special gift might be a gun we’re gonna call it there I think they’re both friends now and I get

Zeltros congratulations me all right Chad you guys are up what do you want crash the sun into zeltros ask what the gift was wait wait okay it could be steel Jar Jar’s gift from the emperor you can do that and whatever the gift is it’d be a special resource eat jar jar I

Mean you could send Doom guy to kill him to kill and eat jar jar Bings steel jar jar skin okay here are your options I can’t believe you’re gonna try to steal the gift okay you are choosing to steal Jar Jar’s gift from the emperor hold on

What are the rules about the gift and whether it counts as a special resource wait okay we could just play it by ear and if it seems special then it’s a special resource or we could say it’s absolutely a special resource but if you don’t steal it that means I get to find

Out what it is and it’s my resource this may be the first Espionage mission of the AI Invasion series maybe you can get in there steal the gift and get out chat is not good at stealth well Doom guys great it’s still meanwhile on the planet zeltros the dougtopian emperor is

Planning to give a special gift to jar jar Banks and Chadron wants that gift more than anything in the world because the shattered Empire has built a weak ugly mean new son and named it Sun Tzu they now have the infinite supply of nuclear energy necessary to finally

Attack Jar Jar Binks and steal the gift that the emperor is planning to give to him so doomguy gets in his spaceship and travels to zeltros determined to steal the special gift when doomguy arrives at sultras he discovers that the emperor has already given Jar Jar Binks the

Special gift which is a giant bag of money Doom God tries to stop that but the emperor and his guards use their advanced technology to defend themselves against Doom guys big [ __ ] gun eventually the dogtopians managed to shoot Doom guy down and so they take the

Gift from jar jar of wait they took the gift back and so the ductopians decide to give the bag of money to their greatest leader General Grievous wait I got General Grievous General Grievous and his troops are Marching through the streets of zeltrus when they stumble

Across a group of ductopians who were in the middle of robbing a bank the dougtopians are surprised to see the nugtopians stealing from them yeah but when they realize that the dougtopians are attacking them they decide to join forces with the dougtopians and steal the money back from the ductopians the

Battle between the ductopians and the chattern Empire rages through the streets of zeltros causing much destruction I think we’re fighting doomguy then what should we do ask one Doug topi to another should we go after them or wait for them to come back wait replies the other dogtopian I think

There’s a civil war going on in zeltros okay I will give you another either Doom guy goes for the bag of money and tries to steal it from Grievous or he joins the Civil War and tries to get the dougtopians to kill each other what do

You want okay you want to join the civil war suddenly doomguy burst into the room he knows the only way to take down zeltros is to join the civil war and try to destroy the zeltros base from the inside this is your chance you can at

Least take down my base in the process I’ve got an idea exclaims Doom guy let’s kill every single chatter and military officer we find until we reach the emperor himself good idea replies to the other ducktopian oh [ __ ] dude Doom guys betraying you but I’m not sure if it’ll

Work most of the officers are wearing suits of armor don’t worry replies Doom guy they’re easy to take down okay let’s see what he actually does though maybe he’s lying to the dogtopians to get them to think he’s on their side okay he says the other dog tobian let’s go kill some

Chattered on Mars the dougtopians have completed their new sun and they’re gonna test it the jacobians have built a giant mirror in front of the Sun that can reflect the light from the new Sun but now they’re ready to fire the first beam of light from the new Sun the

Darktopians fire the beam of light and it instantly destroys all the chattered ships that are nearby holy [ __ ] one more but this is the greatest turn of all time for me the noctopians fired the beam of light over a hundred times and they continue firing their deadly beam

Of light until they are certain that the new sun is as powerful as they need it to be holy [ __ ] ladies and gentlemen I got General Grievous I got money and I got a new son that’s huge oh man is it capped at two points a turn okay let’s

Say let’s say the money is gone because it was spent on General Grievous but I get Grievous and we get the new Sun this solar system is a [ __ ] mess I have Earth Jupiter Mars zeltros and Sun three plus Jar Jar Binks the General Grievous I’m at seven you guys have three

Resources doomguy Empress ghost evil antimatter bombs you’ve also got a base on Mars and you own Suns too I’m not trusting you for innocent I know what’s gonna happen if I start being nice okay inevitably I’m like all right Chad call you you little rascals I’ll give you

Halsey and then next turn you’re gonna kill Jar Jar Binks you’re gonna still Grievous and you’re gonna blow up Earth okay what’s gonna happen is what happened last time we’re not doing that I’m gonna win one of these I gotta win I’m up I’ve got General Grievous and

This may sound like a stupid idea but I can use General Grievous to kidnap Yoda at Mercury and keep him as a special resource the special gift turned out to be a big bag of money that the emperor gave to General Grievous as a bribe to join the

Dougtopian Empire and so the emperor tasked General Grievous with an important new Mission you must travel to Mercury and kidnap the Jedi Master Yoda the emperor exclaims with him and our Empire we can finally take Saturn wait no no Uranus nobody wants Saturn the emperor explains that the dugtopians

Believe that Yoda is actually the Emperor of dougtopia he tells Grievous that the emperor needs to steal Yoda from Mercury in order to prove to the ductopians that he is not the real emperor sounds simple says General Grievous don’t worry replies the emperor I’ll give you a ship you can use that

What kind of ship is it a spaceship it’s the same ship that you stole from the dougtopians General Grievous hesitates uh okay the emperor hands over the ship and General Grievous flies off into space on Mercury Yoda has been living peacefully on his planet for many years

He’s given up on his Jedi training and is content to live out his days on his peaceful Planet he has a small Hut where he lives alone except for for his pet Groot an old tree stump and his pet Wookie a big hairy dog true one day General Grievous arrives on Mercury with

His ship he walks up to Yoda and introduces himself as Grievous hello there General Grievous says Yoda what brings you all the way out here I’m here to kidnap Yoda says Grievous way to keep it subtle Yoda laughs why would you want to kidnap me grieva says because the

Emperor of dougtopia thinks that you are the real emperor well you can tell him that I’m not the real emperor says Yoda yeah yeah yeah whatever says Grievous just do it okay this is my last one I need to kidnap him right now come on Grievous Yoda says okay I will Yoda

Takes out his lightsaber and points it at Grievous let’s see how good you are with this thing shouts Yoda we gotta continue this right because either I kidnap Yoda and I get a point or he murders Grievous and I lose a point okay we’re going five more five more and he

Slices Grievous in half Jesus Christ as soon as he’s dead Yoda begins to laugh he laughs I killed the emperor no you didn’t and now everyone knows that I am the true Emperor okay Grievous is dead is Yoda is Yoda is he like rebelling against my Empire what is he doing we’ll

See Yoda’s off doing his own thing but I lose Grievous God I should have stopped it right here here okay I lose Grievous but I think it’ll be easier for me to recruit Yoda cause Yoda thinks he’s my Emperor chat you are a recruit Groot Mercury pour water on sun three Yoda

Isn’t a bit for me you don’t have to kill him I mean you can I mean you can also just blow up all of mercury but then I guess you lose the chance to get Groot runs Sun Tzu into sun three who would you send to seduce Yoda seems like

Ghost send ghost to seduce Yoda tell Sun 3 to [ __ ] off wait you mean like fly up to sun three and tell it to [ __ ] off build Sun four I mean you can the map is kind of getting a little full of suns you are going to fly to Sun 3 and tell

It to [ __ ] off meanwhile Dr Housey is shocked to learn that the ductopians have built a new Sun Sun three and Dr Halsey still hasn’t forgotten the time that the original son told her people to [ __ ] off and so she boards into her space shuttle and travels to Sun 3’s

Orbit she then takes a deep breath and Bellows into the spaceship’s megaphone terminal and show the dogtopian soon discover that sun 3 is no longer in their control soon after the utopian send a fleet of spaceships to sultras and demand that the Emperors surrender their stolen gift

Back to them how the [ __ ] did that get you son three oh wait did you get it or did I lose it I think I just lost it I think you insulted it so hard that it like left okay Sun three is just a neutral Sun now there’s a lot of deep

Sun lore been going on in this here’s the thing I want to go to Mercury and try to recruit Yoda as my new emperor he even called himself my new emperor the problem is if I send Jar Jar Binks he might kill him he already murdered Grievous I feel like I’m risking Jar

Jar’s life if I send him to Yoda but I have to try I have to try now that Yoda has murdered General Grievous and falsely claimed himself Emperor the ductopians realize that they must recruit him as the official emperor of their empire otherwise he might join the chatterns instead so the dictopians said

Their best Ambassador Jar Jar Binks to Mercury to convince Yoda to officially join dougtopia as their new emperor the jar jar lands on Mercury and approaches Yoda hello Yoda he says I’m Jar Jar Binks jar jar bows before Yoda good start please call me Yoda says Yoda he

Already did jar jar laughs sorry Yoda I couldn’t resist Yoda says did you bring me something jar jar nuts yes he takes out a bag of money and hands it to Yoda okay so jar jar also has a bag of money wow says Yoda this is a shitload of

Money jar jar shrugs the Emperor of dougtopia wanted me to give you this well thank you very much okay jarger is actually being a good Ambassador for once I appreciate that jar jar bows again then Yoda asks how did you know that I was the real emperor jar jar

Looks confused well because the Emperor of dougtopia told me that you were the real emperor sign something make it official Yoda laughs oh that that was just a joke wait jar jar shakes his head no wasn’t the Emperor of dougtopia really thought that I was the real

Emperor well he’s crazy replied Yoda I never said that I was the real emperor I’m just a Jedi master who lives on Mercury I was just joking when I said that you were the real emperor jar jar laughs I thought you knew that I was the real emperor the Emperor of ductopia

Said that I was the real emperor Yoda oh he did huh well that’s strange because I didn’t say that you were the real emperor I said that you looked like the real emperor that doesn’t mean anything jar jar shocked by Yoder’s response can I redirect or am I stuck with Jar Jar

Binks as my Emperor I’m gonna go two more and see what happens but Yoda the Emperor of dougtopia gave me this bag of money as a bribe to come here and convince you to join ducktopia as their Emperor yes thank you bribe ass Yoda what bribe jar jar shows him the bag of

Money hmm well I suppose you could say that he made me an offer I couldn’t refuse charge our laughs sign a treaty join please that was funny Yoda Yoda continues laughing but jar jar is becoming frustrated listen Yoda if you’re not gonna help us then I’m

Leaving all right close it out jar jar close this out oh please don’t go says Yoda I’m sorry about all this confusion I really didn’t think anyone would ever believe me when I said that I’m not the real emperor of dougtopia so you are Yoda turns to his pet Groot Groot do you

Have any idea why this jar jar Bix thinks that I’m the real emperor I don’t know says Groot can I hold on I’m doing a redirect you guys got to redirect Doom guy into starting a civil war this is my this is my redirect jar jar Bing says

Groot will you officially join as our new emperor no I already have a job I’m a plant charge our size okay then jar jar leaves Mercury the ductopian Empire offers a large reward to anyone who can find the real emperor of dougtopia so we have like three people who are claiming

To be Emperor at varying times I definitely didn’t get Yoda though crude shut me down hard he didn’t even entertain it for a second what do you want to do eat the rings of Saturn blow up Mercury with anti-matter bombs again that won’t help you if you

Do that make Sun Tzu wait do you want to make sun 3 the pope or do you wanna crash Sun Tzu into Mercury if we get sun to he can rock the art of wool or you can have Sun Tzu build the Art of War and that could be a special resource

Take over Earth um sand anti-matter bombs to Earth find the real dugtopian emperor and claim the reward marry the sun tell Yoda to [ __ ] off okay you’re gonna try to find the real dougtopian emperor and claim the reward it’s five to five again there’s been way more backtracking in this in in

This one that we’ve done before with the great [ __ ] off plan completed the chattern Empire now sets their sights on a new goal they’ve heard that the dougtopian Empire cannot find their empire and whoever finds the emperor first will be given a large reward so Empress ghost sets out to find the real

Emperor of ductopia and claim the large reward I can’t imagine this actually works good luck but the chattern Empire will have to travel across the solar system to reach the emperor the utopians left to cross the asteroid belt which contains thousands of asteroids and rocks orbiting the Sun and so the

Dougtopians begin the long journey across the solar system to reach the Dogtopia Emperor but the dictopians are surprised to discover that the ductopia Empire has captured the dougtopia emperor and is keeping him prisoner on Mars okay are you guys involved with this still the ductopians now must rescue the Utopia Emperor from the

Dougtopian Empire The dougtopian Empire is pleased to report that they have successfully captured the emperor and now the ductopians plan to return him to his home planet of Earth okay do you guys want to redirect redirect meaning you can try to go capture the emperor again I guess and get the reward okay

We’re gonna do redirect so I’m redirecting where it went off back to the original goal but the chattering Empire still wants the larger Ward so they head to Earth and attempts to rescue the real dogtopian emperor and claim the reward let’s see if it goes for it the Chadron Empire is able to

Capture the real emperor of ductopia and they bring him back to their space space on Mars after the shattered Empire returns with the real emperor of ductopia the ductopian Empire is furious and they demand the reward okay no replies the emperor you don’t deserve the reward you lied about your

Intentions and you stole the gift for me without permission I want nothing to do with you but we helped save Earth replies to chatter and Emperor wait huh we showed you how to build a new sun and you use that knowledge to destroy the planet replies the Emperor of dougtopia

You tricked me it wasn’t like that replies the chattering Emperor get three more we wanted to help you really then why didn’t you tell me about the [ __ ] off plan asked the Emperor of Dogtopia the chatteran Empire has realized that the [ __ ] off plan was a terrible idea

From the beginning and so they decide not to fight the dougtopians anymore instead they promised to stay away from Earth forever and the utopians promised to never ever try to steal the gift again the dougtopians and shattered Empire both agree to forget everything that happened in the past now everyone

Can just move on with their lives and so the Earth is safe the dougtopian Empire has conquered the solar system and humanity is free and to explore the stars and Jar Jar Binks has finally found peace in new dugtopia where he continues to live happily okay I did not

Conquer the solar system we’ll leave it at so the Earth is safe unfortunately chat you did not get a large reward for kidnapping the ductopian emperor you do have him I think I think you have him on Mars I am going to finally go for Uranus

This is my coup de gras once I finally take Uranus unfortunately the real emperor of dougtopia is stolen by the chattered Empire and so they decide to give up on that whole situation there’s something more important to worry about right now Saturn’s anus that’s right it’s finally time to establish a base on

Uranus so dougtopia sends out a space Fleet and scientists in hopes of building a base on Uranus come on give this to me the chat Empire has also sent out a space Fleet and scientists in hopes of establishing a base on Uranus both races are completely unaware that

The human race has already established a base on Uranus that doesn’t make sense the humans on earth have been waiting for the opportunity to colonize Uranus for quite some time and now they’ve finally achieved their goal they are now the proud owners of your anus the humans

On earth have a space lead of scientists and a colony on Uranus okay so there’s a third faction we keep going most of these humans are from Earth but the humans in this Fleet are different from the humans on Earth these humans are known as dougtopian since they were born

On ductopia one day the dougtopians send an Envoy Jar Jar Binks to negotiate with the chattern Empire on Uranus I am Jar Jar Binks says jar jar to the shattered Empire do you want to sell Uranus to dougtopia the chattered Empire responds with salty for 10 billion dollars wait

You guys have it jar jar thinks this is too expensive 10 billion dollars is a lot of money why are you selling it for such a high price because we want to use it for a toilet of course true replies the chattered Empire oh what ask jar jar

It’s a toilet it explains the chattering Empire we’re gonna put a toilet on Uranus jar jar laughs that’s hilarious I love it but unfortunately I could not afford to buy your planet ah you’re funny says the Saturn Empire you don’t want to buy our planet for 10 billion

Dollars because you can’t afford it but what if I change the price to a hundred billion dollars jar jar laps again 100 billion dollars you’re crazy no no no not crazy says the chattern Empire if you bought my planet for 100 billion dollars I would even let you name it

Whatever you want wait a minute says jar jar are you trying to tell me that you’re willing to change the price of the planet to anything I ask ask for something lower jar jar please yes of course supplies the Chadron Empire I would be happy to change the price to

Whatever you want jar jar laughs that’s great now I’m interested what do you suggest the children Empire thinks for a moment then he says how about we make the price one trillion dollars judge our laughs great idea let’s do it does it happen very well since the chattered

Empire here’s my check and he hands charge our a check for one trillion dollars Jar Jar Binks lose the room with the check okay okay you guys still have Uranus but I have one trillion dollars great job jar jar what a [ __ ] conversation you guys are up I’m seeing

A lot of people who want to put a toilet on Uranus that’ll be I can’t believe that after all this it’s turning into one giant toilet joke put a giant toilet on Uranus that’ll be a special resource point if you do it bounce the check rename it to our anus

I’ll let you just do that as a general thing kill jar jar before he cashes the check I still think you should build a giant toilet but that’s funny do you think this story might have jumped the shark at some points along the way no I understood all that at some point

Somebody’s gonna take control of Halo but before then you are going to put a giant toilet on Uranus chat you are up meanwhile the chattern Empire has successfully established a base on Uranus after convincing Jar Jar Binks to leave the planet with one trillion dollars now that the prize planet of

Uranus is finally under their control Chadron can move forward with their plan to use the planet as a gigantic toilet they’d renamed the planet to our anus and then the top chattern scientists begin the construction of a monstrously large toilet on the surface of our anus

Why are we building a huge toilet on Uranus as Jar Jar Binks because we need to cover up the fact that we’re polluting Earth replies the top shattered scientists true so if we put a giant toilet on Uranus nobody will notice while the chattern Empire is busy

Building their huge toilet on Uranus an alien ship approaches Earth the alien ship is friendly and is set by the dougtopian emperor to deliver a message the utopian Emperor asked the alien ship to land on Earth and give him the gift that he has been saving for the dougtopian emperor the dougtopian

Emperor tells the alien ship to wait in orbit around Earth until he can meet with the alien ship and he will give the alien ship the gift when he receives it the alien ship lands on Earth but the nottopian emperor is unable to make contact with the alien ship and so he

Sends his army to investigate we’re redirecting back on Uranus sorry back on our anus the top shattered scientists resume construction of the Mega Toilet the scientists are thrilled to be working on such an interesting project they are also eager to test their new technology which allows the Mega Toilet

To clean itself using Nanobots the top scientists are so excited that they accidentally inject their own bodies with Nanobots and so they become super intelligent robots they are now called the chat bro Nomicon soon the chatro Nomicon discovers that their new technology can be used to build other

Things besides toilets three more so the scientists decide to use the technology to build a giant robot suit and so the top shattered scientists begin making their new mega robot suit the scientists are excited to see what this new invention could do for them you got two

More turns you can still build the toilet maybe one day the top scientists are sitting around in the lab playing checkers when they are interrupted by a loud banging sound coming from outside one of the scientists looks out the window and sees a strange object flying towards Earth at tremendous speed last

One it seems like it’s going for my Emperor again that’s odd exchange the scientist what could that possibly be doing here maybe it’s alien suggest one of the other top scientists or maybe it’s a meteorite okay one more we gotta see what it is can’t be a meteorite

Replies the first time I just burn any meteorites falling from the sky that means it must be an alien spacecraft so the scientists quickly gathered their equipment and rushed outside to examine the strange object that’s now hovering above Earth there on our anus okay that’s done turns over uh what happened

You got the chatronomicon which are super intelligent scientist robots you also built a new mega robot suit you’re at eight points you could potentially win the game by building a giant toilet on Uranus oh [ __ ] also something that I just noticed which is funny of all the insane [ __ ] that’s been happening

Nobody’s even mentioned the moon the poor Moon dude okay you know what I am gonna go for the Halo ring you know what I’m gonna do I’m gonna find Master Chief he’s hanging out with the Covenant up here the coven’s like four people remember and then we’ll go for the Halo

Ring if I pick up that super weapon before you guys can I could destroy the entire universe which is a draw which means you won’t win I might not be able to win today but I will take you down with me Chad our mega robot will defend

Us all right here we go with this new influx of money the fake ductopia Emperor now has the financial resources to go for the Halo ring the Halo ring is a massive space structure that can fire a massive energy release and destroy all life on a planet in the solar system and

The ductopians know that if the Halo ring comes into their power they could annihilate all life on our anus so the faked eggtopia Emperor sends out Jar Jar Binks his finest ambassador to recruit Master Chief into the topian Empire Master Chief is a super soldier from Earth who is currently traveling in

Space near the Halo ring it’s a big info dump does it actually turn that into some coherent stuff he will join the dougtopian Army and help them get the Halo ring wait Master Chief no did I get master chief knows that the dogtopians are lying they’re not actually

Interested in helping mankind they just want to use the Halo ring to destroy all life on Earth no we don’t no no I own Earth Earth is fine the master chief doesn’t care he needs the money to save his girlfriend’s life Jar Jar Binks approaches Master Chief and tells him hi

I’m Jar Jar Binks wait has it has it happened do I have him Master Chief looks at jar jar and says I know you’re the Emperor of dougtopia yeah I guess I am I guess I’m looking for someone to join the dougtopian Empire wait Master Chief is saying this would you like to

Join Master Chief doesn’t respond okay so he’s not in right now jar jar continues I’m offering you the job of the emperor of dougtopia before I can appoint you to that position I need to see some proof that you’re really good enough for the job why do you have to

See proof says Master Chief it’s a requirement of the ductopian Empire we must see proof that you’re qualified for the job I love jar jar he has turned into my greatest what kind of proof do you need to see ask Master Chief well says jar jar there’s only one way for

You to prove that you’re worthy of being the Emperor of dougtopia and that is to defeat me in a game of chess jar jar is excellent at chess on the board he thinks quickly and makes very quick moves and although he always wins it’s not because he’s better than everyone

Else then what does he cheat it’s because he plays such simple games of Chess that everyone else gets bored and loses interest alright ladies and gentlemen chess match of the century right here unfortunately Master Chief isn’t used to playing such simplistic games of Chess so jar jar easily beats

Him he joins right he joins Jar Jar Binks the check okay you win congratulations you’re the new emperor of Dogtopia jar jar brings hands Master Chief the check for one trillion dollars he’s in I got a new inference master cheap baby whoa God damn Jar Jar Binks his pull through Master Chief becoming

My Emperor because Jar Jar Binks is an incredible chess player is greater than anything any human being could write what do you guys want to do try to build the toilet again you could save that for your final point if you get to nine that

Would be a pretty dope way to dunk on me as a winning blow up the moon with antimatter you could assassinate Jar Jar Binks in the mega suit I guess blow up Halo with antimatter bombs make a new moon wait so let me just get this straight you’ve ignored the moon the

Entire game and instead of just establishing a base on the moon you’re considering making a new moon making Moon two it just feels like there’s simpler Solutions here okay you’re choosing to build Moon two so meanwhile the chat room nabacon scientist robots on our anus decide that they’re going to

Build a new moon and call it Moon Sue this new moon will be hotter and richer than the current moon and the chatter Nomicon will build it out of cheese and so the chatronomicon scientists begin construction of the new moon back back on Earth the dougtopian emperor decided

To send his best Messenger to deal with the alien ship the noctopian emperor sends his most trusted and loyal Soldier General Grievous we’ll assume this is a different General Grievous General Grievous is the most powerful skilled warrior in all the dougtopian Empire he’s also a master strategist and

Tactician and he is known for being very quiet and mysterious maybe they’ll make the moon now General Grievous arrives at the dougtopian space station where the alien ship is waiting the dougtopian emperor greets General grave and asks him to deliver a message to the dougtopian emperor all right you want to

Redirect okay redirecting five attempts but back on our anus the chapter Nomicon begins construction of moon Sue and soon the new moon is complete wait that was it that was that simple the chapter omicon robots now feel free to experiment with their new technology and so they try out a new experiment

Creating life on the surface of the new moon using nanobot technology isn’t it made out of cheese did that work charonama concrete small animals that resemble cats dogs chickens cows rabbits and horses and these new animals are made from cheese the chapter and omicon robots name the new species of animals

Cheese creatures the chapter Nomicon experiment continues in the cheese creatures multiply soon there are millions of cheese creatures living on moon Sue but the utopian Emperor is concerned because he hasn’t received a message from the aliens yet okay back to the emperor this is one of two more so

He sends another message to Earth this time the ductopian emperor sends his second most trusted loyal General sliff you got two different threads going on in mind I’m talking to the aliens with myself or something but you guys did successfully build Moon Sue and it’s covered with moon creatures now you

Might be thinking that chat just earned their 10th point off of cheese creatures but I’m not gonna count that as a point for two reasons number one they are built into the cheese Moon and therefore count as part of that resource and number two I have been too generous

Giving chat points in the past and there’s no way I’m gonna let them beat me with cheese creatures if they’re winning they have to do it big make it a wheel of cheese with moon Sue under your control you now have one two three four planets and five

Special resources so you are on Match Point I have one two three four planets and three special resources I’m two behind now that I have Master Chief I’m gonna go for a Halo ring I might even get lucky and have them use Halo ring and like I don’t know blow up Moon Sue

Or something I can’t let you guys build a victory toilet which is probably the only time in my life I’ll get to say that in a contextually relevant way this needs to be a big turn with Master Chief now in control of the utopian Empire he

Can begin his conquest of the Halo ring this massive space station has the power to wipe life from planets and master chief has always wanted to ensure that it does not fall into the wrong hands so Master Chief flies in a space shuttle towards the Halo ring to attempt to

Establish a base the Chadron Empire however has discovered his plan and is following behind in a spaceship there’s no way you win off the Halo ring the chattern Empire decides that since they don’t have the Halo ring yet they should just shoot down the space shuttle and

Kill Master Chief no but before they can fire their energy Cannon the utopian Fleet arrives blast the shattered Empire out of space and lands on the Halo ring the chattern Empire is knocked out of space and falls into the sun while the sun was destroyed so that doesn’t so

They never get to use their energy Cannon to destroy the dougtopian fleet the utopians land on the Halo ring and build a base on it they realize that they are alone on the Halo ring okay huge defensive play for me get you guys knocked off to the side we get the base

Established that’s point eight oh big play Big play I’m like one big turn away from taking it now if I can hold out one more turn from the giant toilet I think I can actually do it and then I could use Halo to wipe out some of your

Resources and knock your score down ooh okay chat what do you want to do okay a lot of people want to build the mega toilet tell Master Chief to [ __ ] off blow up Halo ring with anti-matter bomb build a death star shaped like a toilet let’s assume that I guess the Mega

Toilet will have Death Star capabilities we will make a giant cheese stick and use your Halo as a [ __ ] ring I’m not writing that down you guys are at nine points for your final turn you are electing to attempt to build the giant space toilet now that the Chadron Empire has

Successfully built Sun Tzu Moon sue the chatronomicon air ready to begin their final task the chattered Empire will attempt to build the mega toilet a Monumental toilet that turns all of our anus into a toilet and so Empress Ghost and the chapter Nomicon begin construction of the toilet the

Ductopian Empire he’s here again sends its best General Princess Leia Organa to meet with the dougtopian emperor the dogtopian emperor’s final is happy to finally meet the person who saved Earth from destruction the AI is trying desperately to stop you from the toilet I’m grateful that you helped us as the

Dougie never my name is Emperor Doug thank you for saving Earth your majesty replies General Leia Organa General Leia is impressed that the dougtopian emperor is so polite so she begins her negotiations with the okay this is not relevant you’re using a redirect right this means you get five continues

Meanwhile the chatteran Empire begins construction of the Mega Toilet if this resolves you win the Mega Toilet is larger than anything else in the solar system it is 10 times more pipes than any other toilet in history and it has three million flushing Bells each one capable of producing 50 gallon some

Water per minute did you do it it happened the chattern Empire plans to use the Mega Toilet to turn all of our anus into a toilet and so the chattered Empire starts construction of the Mega Toilet on the surface of our moon moon Sue wait hold on just the blueprints so

That means the construction is beginning right now the chattered Empire finishes construction on the Mega Toilet which turns out to be exactly the size of our anus the shattered Empire is so proud of they work and they celebrate by eating moon suit and thus with their 10th and final Point

Earned the sun set on yet another glorious victory for the great Empire of chattered and once again the Empire of dougtopia was in shambles despite me really trying to win this time and so dougtopia schemed and they sent out their top Ambassador for revenge and

Then Jar Jar Binks showed up and took a giant [ __ ] in the Mega Toilet Jar Jar Binks uses the Mega Toilet to cover the entire moon in a giant Empire sees what jar jar brings us down to the moon and they immediately realize they could not use the toilet to clean

Themselves you might you might have won but at least I ruined your precious toilet chat jar jar wins great job Jar Jar Binks you’re truly the shittiest Star Wars character

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