Twitch Chat and I invaded USA with Artificial Intelligence

#Twitch #Chat #invaded #USA #Artificial #Intelligence

The year is 2122. america has shattered each of the 50 states has broken into its own government and the land is in chaos that is until two fledgling empires emerge to the south in texas the empire of chatlantis forms with nasa at their helm and in south dakota the empire of doug

Cota has formed with lots of corn which of these two young american nations can grow their empire into a vast new country we’re gonna find out using this program novel ai which can generate brand new stories based on any input that you give it twitch chat and i are

Gonna take turns telling the ai what we want our empire to do such as invading a state or forming an alliance and then the ai will use advanced data processing to predict what would have actually happened to win this game your empire must earn 13 total points each state is

Worth one point and each rare resource is worth one point which of these two young american nations can grow their empire into a fast new country let’s begin this battle with chatlantis making the first move what do you guys want to do designate a space spoke you can

Create a space pope and then next turn send them to california send a space shuttle to the moon that will not get you a point but you are welcome to do it win the super bowl at this point the super bowl does not exist reform the nfl

Okay if that works that’ll be a new special resource on the first turn of the america ai invasion twitch chat has decided instead of invading new mexico or oklahoma or arkansas instead of sending a space shuttle somewhere they are going to create a space pope to start off chatlantis uses the nasa

Administration to elect a brand new space pope they hope she will be responsible for managing alliances and taking over the moon however when they meet her at the space station they find out that she isn’t who she says she is she’s actually an old friend of president bush’s and she wants to take

His place on earth okay when the president finds out this information he decides not to run again after resigning from office he tells the world about that chat lantis plan to take over the moon so they can eventually invade earth wait okay so this is there is a

President somewhere he also reveals that chatlantis plans to kill everyone in order to make way for their colony not only that but she has taken control of america through a covert operation the united states space command is now under the power of chatlantis okay you guys have space pope and apparently you have

The united states space command that’s a resolution we’re calling it there there’s also a president of america somewhere we don’t know where yet so twitch jet’s attempt to find the space pope did work and we agreed that she and her united states space command counts as a special resource point for

Chatlantis which bumps their total score up to three um meanwhile if i take north dakota i can form megakota i just i want to start my empire with megakota to begin their conquest the doug cota leaders set their sights on north dakota they dream of uniting the dakotas into

One megakota so the doug cota general marches their ten thousand musketmen into north dakota and began to attack north dakota was a place of great fear for the dakota army the citizens had been living off the land since they were kicked out of the state after a failed

Attempt at conquering it the people that lived there were not farmers or soldiers but survivalists who could hunt and gather food as needed their weapons were crude bows spears and swords made from wood and metal scraps they also had access to guns that could be easily made

With tools found around their homes the dakota general knew that these primitive weapons would make his job much harder than it should be hold on i have guns oh wait so you’re saying they just have bows and spears he decided to go straight for the town of stanley the

General walked up the dirt road to a large wooden sign that said welcome to stanley which read welcome to stanley the only major city in north dakota is that true oh it’s it’s real the population was 2 300. okay as he approached two men came running towards him the general thought

They might be armed and dangerous so he drew his sword and raised it above his head one man tripped over the other and fell forward onto his face strong opening from north dakota you’re supposed to say go away when you see me said the first man what how do i know if

I’m going to kill you replied the general and annoyance just do it if you don’t we’ll shoot you yelled the second man the general side knowing that this is going to be an interesting fight he lowered his sword held out his hand to help the fallen man up the man got to

His feet and stood before the general with a wicked smile his face was covered in blood and dirt but he didn’t look too bad i’ll go but you won’t get any information why’s that ask the general because answered the man it’s my home and i can’t tell anyone anything about

It now go away fine i’ll leave but don’t expect us to come back no i want to come back is that wait am i leaving hold on with that the general turned around and walked away down the dirt road he left the general wait he left the general the

North dakota and his men behind and marched further into the town of stanley there’s a small town barely larger than the village he’d grown up with okay that’s when the general ordered the south dakotan army to attack a few hours later the battle was joined the dakota army launched volley after volley of

Arrows onto the town’s people’s defense line over a hundred of them died instantly from the barrage but the survivors weren’t done fighting the remaining warriors charged the line and managed to push it back just enough for the next wave of arrows to be fired and so went until the dakotan army finally

Broke through the lines okay they ran into the homes of the villagers and started taking them by force taking the villagers by force some of those that resisted were killed others tortured for information soon everyone a value in the town was taken prisoner the general then gathered his men together and told them

To take the prisoners outside and put them on display like animals in a zoo i think i beat north dakota when they were lined up in rows facing the townspeople the general addressed them this is what happens when you defy me shout out to the general now you will show us your

Respect and bow to me or you will all die after a while the general grew impatient he wanted to move on to the next town so he ordered his men to start killing the prisoners they started swinging their swords and axes while the prisoners dude my general is a [ __ ]

Badass you committed genocide well the general committed genocide don’t put that on me okay i i didn’t train him to do that but this time the people of stanley had had enough of being terrorized they stepped out of their homes and joined the battle they fought

Against the doug kota army as best they could open the numbers were too high okay come on i win right i still beat stanley in the end most of the people of stanley were massacred the general was shocked and angry he ordered his men to

Stop and ran into the crowd there he saw a young boy i don’t like this i don’t like that my general is a war criminal the general knelt down beside the child to put his hand on his shoulder don’t cry son said the general your mommy is

In heaven now it shall never hurt you again so thanks to my insane war criminal general we took over the town of stanley which is apparently the only major city which means north dakota joins my empire and i get one point all right back to the empire of chatlantis you can send

The space pope to the moon and if the ai decides there’s people on the moon that can be a whole state that you get create a new space religion sacrifice the space pope to oklahoma i mean oklahoma would love that dude all right you were deciding to send the

Space pope to the moon to create a colony with the space pope in the empire and the united states space command under their control chatlantis now decides to colonize the moon they hope to form a new state and research advanced moon technology so the space pope loads up into her space shuttle and

Launches her ship towards the moon on her way to the moon she gets attacked by a group of chatlantian ships your own betrayal rigged she manages to take them down with ease oh and lands in the middle of the jungle there she discovers a massive secret base hidden under the

Jungles wait are you hold on are you on earth or are you on the moon are you on the moon jungles inside there are thousands of chatlantians waiting to greet the space pope once she arrives she’s greeted by the atlantean leader dr teeps he explains that their planet was

Destroyed after being hit by a meteor and they were forced to flee across the universe wait hold on so they are they’re not in your empire now that they’re back home on the moon they believe it’s time to settle down once and for all dr thiefs asked the space

Pope if she would like to stay and help them build a new empire the space pope agrees because she knows that they can turn everything around for the better in return she gives them access to all the us satellites and the knowledge of how to use them as weapons against their

Enemies okay you guys are allied with dr teeps and the chatlanteans in the moon jungles i think is that a resource or a state here’s my interpretation of this correct me if i’m wrong the moon was inhabited you guys went there and formed an alliance with dr teeps and the moon

People that is now a new state in your empire where where’s where do i put it where’s our jungle i don’t i can’t hold on this doesn’t look like the moon we stand the jungle moon okay so atlanta has successfully sent the space pope to the moon and has a new

State in the chatlantis empire congratulations you guys are up to four points teeps is dracula yeah who the [ __ ] is dr thief’s is that is that dracula’s first name yes actually okay so you have dracula maybe i don’t give a [ __ ] though i still got mega coda if i

Uh get north dakota and south dakota governments to agree to form megakota do i get a special resource cause otherwise there’s no point to that you need giga virginia no we’re not focusing on giga virginia right now how’s this if i successfully merge north and south

Dakota into mega coda then i also get mega corn a new type of corn that’s huge wait hold on what am i wait what am i doing what is mega coda i don’t know it was your idea well it sounded cool i just didn’t think about that i just

Didn’t think about it very much okay what is what about we merge all of our agricultural companies into one company called mega coda which makes mega corn all right you guys might not agree with this okay there are going to be people out here who say i should not use my

Insane war criminal general again but i’m going to have him propose forming mega coda to the north dakotan government use the child but he just killed his mom man i don’t want to use the child sacrifice the child no we’re not sacrificing any children if he doesn’t that’s on him i

Am not giving the order from on high to go sacrifice children now that the evil general had slaughtered the town of stanley it was time to create a glorious new union the general and that kid approached the north dakotan king and gave him an offer king we should have

Our greatest agriculture scientists from north and south dakota merge and form a new company mega coda with this business we can finally research the fabled megacorn i will offer this child as payment what an insane war criminal you want my son screamed the king no you’re insane the general smiled and slowly

Reached for the boy the king slapped the general’s hand away and shouted take your filthy hands off my child wait wait the kid is his son we murdered wait the general murdered the queen of north dakota jesus christ if you don’t give me the child i’ll kill you and take him

Away kill me how dare you i am the king of north dakota and no one kills the king and what if i say that you are not the king anymore what if i tell everyone that you betrayed your country and sold out the people in order to get rich how

Did you know about that wait this is from the north dakota king right i have spies everywhere the dakota army is looking for me right now but don’t worry because i’ve already escaped wait my general left then why aren’t you here to fight me because king you’re useless the

Only thing you’re good for is farming corn and i don’t care if you live or die but but enough are they gonna fight i demand that you bow down to me and let me be your new king you will gladly accept me in my new empire no you can’t

Have him he is my son and i will never give him up shouted the king oh yes you will because if you don’t i’ll kill you right now and take your son anyway my general is a [ __ ] maniac i gotta fire this guy he’s making the situation a lot

Worse no i refuse to kneel to you i am the king of north dakota and i will never obey you well then i guess you will both be dead said the general okay resolution here maybe i’m sorry but i need to be king the king shook his head

And tried to think of a way out but he knew it was hopeless there was nothing he could do then suddenly the king’s wife came rushing into the room with her three sons she held a bloody knife in one hand and a gun in the other i

Thought you’re dead did he have two queens stop commanding the queen wait so who who did i kill both of you stop right there the general look confused what’s going on what are you doing to my husband ask the wife he’s my husband and i love him dearly stop trying to kill

Him kill him yes kill him he’s a horrible father and has caused our family so much pain he deserves to die wayne who are you ask the general how do you know my name she didn’t say the name my name is jane and i’m the king’s wife

You’re the queen as the general of course i’m the queen but the general had enough and attacked the king i don’t care who you are i’ll kill you and take your son anyway jane please stay back said the king this man is crazy true shut up scream jane wait jane either you

Submit to me and become my king or i’ll kill you wait jane’s trying to become king of north dakota jane has gone rogue um and that’s when the general attacked he swung his sword at the king but the king blocked it easily the general was surprised he hadn’t been killed yet but

He was even more surprised when the king slammed his fist into his gut the general doubled over and dropped to his knees there’s no need to kill him said the king i surrender i give up everything to you i give you my crown my throne and my kingdom all i ask in

Return is that i be allowed to keep my family the general is speechless he stared at the king and off he couldn’t believe what he was seeing the king has surrendered him without a fight so my general is now the king of north dakota but i failed to merge and form mega coda

I do not have the megacorn all right you guys are up next remake the nfl invade new mexico invade you can’t invade alaska from space you can send the space pope to alaska crash the moon into california it’s not a ship you would have to okay you would have to

Turn the moon into a giant spaceship you’re gonna hold on no no if you do this the ai is gonna get you so far away from america like it’s you guys are gonna be on one story way the [ __ ] out here and i’m gonna be down here fighting

For utah you gotta stick to america no no blowing up mars okay here’s what i’ll say you can turn the moon into a spaceship but then you have to use it on america and all you would be able to do is just crash the moon into california

That’s all you could or into a state i guess you could crash into mega coda on your next turn you guys need to get this [ __ ] back to america you’re way off course right now all right you almost decided to turn the moon into a giant spaceship but instead you are going to

Invade new mexico now invading new mexico is smart because whoever can take california first will get an automatic bonus resource of gold it’s basically two free points but you’ve got to expand all the way over there the space pope relayed the good news back to the chatlantis headquarters in texas in

North america overjoyed with the new moon state the chatlantean empire now turns their eyes onto new mexico the chatlante in general marches their army of ten thousand musketmen into new mexico and attempts to take over the government but after much hard fighting the chatlandians are driven back after

Learning that the atlantis empire has been defeated the space pope takes her shuttle to washington dc to help stop the chatlantean invasion wow that was like the shortest battle we’ve had that was just bam you’re done we should have called saul next turn you guys can call

Saul i am gonna make my way towards california i’m allying with wyoming back in the dug code in government a new plan was forming the doug codans would attempt to bring wyoming into their empire because their insane war criminal general was now living in north dakota the empire sent their emperor to the

King of wyoming’s house to ask for an alliance dear king the emperor said if you ally with us and join the doug coten empire then you will have all the residents of north and south dakota to come beat tourists in your fine state they’ve got to go for the tourism play

Dude the king of wyoming was very eager to help he loved money as much as everyone else he agreed to let the doug kodens invade wyoming i didn’t want that after all it wouldn’t matter if he lost the state since north dakota would soon be under code and rule anyways so the

Dakotans invaded wyoming and began building a new city called doug town many wyomingites were frightened by this and became afraid of losing their home but they had little choice wait do i get wyoming they could either fight or join the doug codens and lose everything so

They chose to go along with the invasion soon the dakotans began to conquer north dakota and the emperor in his generals decided it was time to attack the last bastion of resistance okay i think i win i’ve got dugtown the king conceded let’s see what happens here maybe there’s a

Twist general where are we going next s the emperor south dakota we’re gonna make sure there isn’t anyone left to resist this guy’s a [ __ ] lunatic he’s just trying to slaughter everybody i think we call it there by the foundation of doug town and the permission from the

King of wyoming wyoming has been added to the doug coten empire gotta love doug town i’m definitely moving my headquarters there when i get the chance all right chad you guys are up what next you’re all saying call saul what are you trying to do give me more information

What do you specifically want to do call saul and ask him to legally acquire new mexico for you using legal loopholes have space pope form an alliance with washington d.c send the empress to find walter white and have him make meth for you cause you don’t own new mexico right

Now you’d have to send somebody in have the space pope steal the declaration of independence she is in washington dc i guess oh and reform the nfl there’s like 20 guys in the chat who really want to reform the nfl nobody’s been voting for it but i got you okay you’re choosing to

Call saul and ask him to legally acquire new mexico for you using legal loopholes and we’ll see what happens twitch chat hires a lawyer let’s see if it works meanwhile back in texas the chatlantis government decides to take legal action to bring new mexico into their empire

But to do that they need a lawyer not just any lawyer the best lawyer a lawyer who could finally use loopholes and laws to force the new mexican government to join chatlantis so the empress of chatlantis calls saul goodman hello saul the emperor said can you find a way to

Legally acquire new mexico for us saul smiled and replied i’ll see what i can do a few months later saul comes back to the empress and says your wish is my command the emperor smiles and replies thank you saul i trust that your work will prove fruitful it most certainly

Will saul assures her the empress heads back into her room and starts thinking about all the things her empire will accomplish once they’ve conquered new mexico so saul goodman gets to work first he studies all the different laws and loopholes pertaining to the us and then uses them all to his advantage he

Uses the alien tort statue to sue the governor of new mexico and threatens him with fines in jail if he doesn’t comply with their demands okay that’s sounding promising next saul searches the old records of the us government finds out that new mexico has no actual borders

It’s a state that can be extended and reduced depending on whether or not they want it to be true he uses this loophole to his advantage and writes a report to the us government saying that the chatlantean empire intends to annex the entire state once the u.s government

Receives his letter they decide to send an ambassador into some soldiers to new mexico for the chatlantians this is a huge deal they haven’t had contact with another race since they front fled across the galaxy their emperor dr teep sends a team of 10 000 of the best

Musket men to protect their ambassador wait hold on dr teaps is your emperor and he sent an army to who is he sentenced to new mexico i think you’re now invading new mexico okay in new mexico when the chatlantian army arrives they’re welcomed by the governor but the chatlantean ambassador has other plans

He locks himself inside the governor’s mansion and refuses to leave unless he’s given full control of the state all right hold on saul goodman is suing the governor who complained to the u.s government who sent an army and an ambassador from your empire who’s locked himself in a room with mr teep sending

An army of 10 000 musket men to new mexico okay let’s keep going within a week the chatlantean empire has managed to take over the capital city of albuquerque the chatlantean empire takes note of the situations and decides to stay in new mexico indefinitely i don’t

Know how the [ __ ] that worked you guys got new mexico i’ve still got three states though we’re tied up on points oh no we’re not you guys are ahead i forgot you had the moon [ __ ] okay what the hell do i do now i’m going for utah you guys are only two

Spots away from the california gold i want to get to the same spot because then i can go through nevada and get las vegas which would be dope does anybody know do mormons like corn do mormons like corn mormons are told to eat fruits vegetables and whole grains mormons are

Gonna love my corn after shutting down all the resistance in south dakota the south dakota emperor now decides to bring utah into the empire fortunately for him dakota has the one thing that every mormon loves corn so the emperor brings a bushel of his finest corn to

The duke of utah please mr duke take this delicious corn and consider joining our fine emperor the duke hesitates but takes some corn nonetheless he puts it in a bag and heads back to his palace once he arrives home he begins to cook the corn while it’s cooking the duke

Decides to open the bag and see what kind of corn it is while it’s cooking when he opens it he finds a bomb inside you fell for it the duke grabs the bomb and throws it out of the window hoping that it lands somewhere far away from

His home but unfortunately for him the bomb lands right in his backyard when the duke tries to run outside he discovers that bomb is landed right under his feet he jumps out of the window and makes a mad dash for safety before he gets anywhere the bomb

Explodes and blows him up his body hits the ground and crumbles into a pile of dust all of this is happening at the same time the duncan army is invading utah the emperor sees the news on tv and smiles okay does the does the invasion

Work the duke is dead right i have a i have an advantage he knows it because of this utah is now part of the coated empire he sends another messenger to the duke who informed him of his new status as a citizen of doug town the duke is

Furious he’s alive he doesn’t want to be a citizen of doug town he wants to be a citizen of the united states he’s served his country for years and he refuses to serve the doug cottons he tells the messenger that he won’t obey the emperor that he will continue to fight against

The doug codens the emperor is fierce he orders his soldiers to find the duke and kill him the emperor sends a message to his general asking him to capture the duke alive what okay i mean we’re invading but i i haven’t heard whether it was successful the general obeys and

Sets off to find the duke meanwhile a young girl named annie is locking no no no no we’re not talking about annie while the emperor is busy trying to save utah why is he saved the general goes to duke’s house and breaks down the door the general’s there this guy’s a psycho

He’ll kill him he rushes inside and starts searching for the duke meanwhile while the duke is hiding in a closet waiting for the general to leave as soon as the general leaves the duke runs out of the house and makes a break for it at that exact moment a squad of dug code

And soldiers burst through the front door the duke is caught off guard and thrown to the floor surrender to me shouts one of the soldiers the duke is terrified but he still refuses to surrender he thinks about fleeing to canada no canada’s underwater but he also realizes that this is his only

Chance of survival is to fight until he dies he pulls out a gun and aims at the soldier soldier points his own gun at the duke and fires suddenly a mysterious figure appears in front of the soldier who tells them that dakota won the end shoot him screams the figure kill him

Who are you ask the soldier my name is alex answers the figure and i’m here to save you wait save the duke the soldiers look at each other in confusion i don’t know who this man is but they just anyways maybe this is annie so they follow him out of the house and

Into the yard alex takes him to a barn where he says he’ll be staying inside the soldiers discover a girl named mary who looks exactly like alex all right the doug cotton army continues their invasion now that utah has joined the empire there’s really no one left to

Stop them so the emperor in general march on to the capital washington dc when they arrive the governor of washington d i don’t know what the [ __ ] just happened i don’t know who alex is i don’t know what washington d is but i do have utah

In the empire maybe there were two dukes because i killed one of the dukes okay the score is now five to five you guys are up next as a reminder you have louisiana arkansas oklahoma kansas colorado arizona which you can all invade you could go for utah they are

Dukeless right now yeah i think your guys’s emperor is dracula to be clear it is dr tepesh guys we should drop the moon on mega coat and take out all his resources in one fell swoop find and hire walter white to cook meth for the empire i’ll also if you guys

Want to hire saul goodman i’ll let you have him do something in your empire if you want him to do something else or yeah hire saul to take arizona by legal loopholes that worked last time see if annie is okay yeah go find annie alex

And mary in utah invade the sun if you guys would like to send your space pope into the sun you are more than welcome we will go at night time meanwhile i’m just go i’m just moving from south dakota to california you guys have taken the moon and you’re gonna try

To invade the sun reforming the nfl is getting a little bit of love one day you guys are gonna get it so you’re going for the saul goodman play again interesting okay here we go saul goodman did such an incredible job at legally acquiring the state of new mexico that

Chatlantis decides to hire him again this time they want saul to legally acquire the state of arizona and force the governor to join chatlantis empire so emperor dr tepesh call saul again hello saul it’s me dr tepesh chatlantis needs you again this time we want arizona saul smiles and replies of

Course emperor dr tepesh i’ll see what i can do a month later saul returns to the empress and says your wish is my this already happened the emperor smiles and replies thank you saul i’ll i’m sure you’ll make us proud once the empress hangs up the phone she decides to call

Her son-in-law the emperor of chatlantis wait so your empress is dr tepesh’s mom my dear husband the empress begins i have great news the emperor of chatlantis listens intently what is it we’ve successfully annexed the state of new mexico and now we want to expand further can you please give me

Permission to conquer the state of arizona he thinks for a moment and then replies yes my wife i agree we shouldn’t take this opportunity to expand our territory let’s take this chance to gain more citizens and increase our power wonderful the empress replies and since we’re expanding we might as well try to

Take the whole country how does that sound the emperor looks during the they’re on the phone looks are in the eyes and replies my dear wife i love you but why are you asking such a ridiculous question the united states is too big to conquer so you guys don’t have dreams

For the whole country like i do why don’t we just take california because we can do better than that why not go back to the drawing board and come up with a better plan to take the whole country all right all right i’m sorry what was i

Thinking she kisses him on the cheek and says you weren’t thinking that’s the problem with you meanwhile in the united states it’s now 2123 no no no no so saul goodman begins his work to acquire arizona he uses the same loophole used last time but this time he tries to get

The state to join the chatlantis empire legally so he researches every single law in the entire book what book and finds out that arizona is actually part of a bigger state called california no if they join chatlantis they can become a new state within the empire and since

Arizona is already part of california it’ll be much easier to convince them to join the empire when saul meets with the governor of arizona he shows them the report that he wrote to the u.s he explains that the atlantean emperor has asked for them to join the empire and

That they can become a new state within the empire saul brings up the idea of becoming a new state as a way to keep their independence but still be safe from outside threats that doesn’t make any sense at all he also reminds the governor of the atlantis’s military

Might and how powerful they can be once the chatlantis empire takes over arizona they begin to build a second moon colony all right no no no so you guys caught arizona did they agree wait hold on are we saying arizona is also california because if that’s true we need you to

Explicitly get california i know it’s a part of california but if you get a part of california you don’t have california it’s not rigged i’m gonna say unless we hear otherwise you guys get arizona but i’m gonna delete this and continue from here until we get an explicit answer

From the governor or some sort of resolution is that fair here we go during the meeting the chatlantian emperor comes along and gives a speech about their past history and how they used to rule the stars before they fell to earth after the speech the chatlantean emperor offers the governor

Ultimatum either they join the empire or they die the governor doesn’t want to risk his life so he agrees to join the empire all right your [ __ ] lunatic emperor came in and threatened them you guys have arizona after the governor leaves the chat lancing emperor assault

He can use the same tactic to persuade california to join the tactic was just threatening them that’s not a tactic damn dude saul’s working overtime for you guys he’s gotten two states he might even get california next turn you guys are saying it should continue i will

Give you five more generations on this story if you also get california in those five generations fine then it’s just like a mega turn but if in the next five generations you somehow lose arizona that counts too here we go saul laughs and replies of course emperor dr

Tepesh do you want to be a new state within the empire or do you want to join it the emperor replies i want to join it wait what i want to join the empire and become one of its greatest states saul smiles and nods his head i’ll see what i

Can do over the next year saul goodman meets with the governor of california and talks about the benefits of joining the empire okay you’ve got three more generations to get california he mentions how powerful they could become and how much safer they’d be during the meeting saul shows the governor lots of

Photos of the empire’s past victories he also makes the governor watch all the videos of the chatlantis conquest of the moon okay number four by the end of the meeting the governor agrees to join the empire [ __ ] you got california and in the year 2032 president david kinkade is

Giving a state of the union address when he suddenly drops dead okay this is cannon two david kincaid is dead you just went up to five states and three resource points you’re at eight right now i’m only at five okay i have to kill saul goodman and here’s my

Thinking it won’t get me a point because you guys don’t actually have him as a special resource point but he’s on a [ __ ] role he’s gotten you three states and two turns i’m worried that if i don’t kill him he’ll find a legal way

To steal utah from me so i have to take a turn shutting down saul goodman i can cross the border into new mexico with my army technically we share a border alright sol you [ __ ] let’s dance just hire him yourself wait that’s really smart you guys never took a turn

To hire saul goodman full time you’ve just been contracting him that means he’s still contractable and i could hire him to take nevada for me okay i’m gonna hire saul i’m going for nevada okay my emperor is currently in washington d i’m gonna have him call saul from there i

Guess don’t fall for the corn saul how do you have his number how did you have his number all right look every time you guys complain about tiny little realism things i’m gonna go to the map and i’m gonna zoom up here to the [ __ ] moon which is where your army

Came from now that the emperor of doug cota is safely within washington d he decides to make a legal play for nevada after all it would be a waste to send the army into such a deserted state so the emperor calls up the best lawyer he knows saul goodman to try to legally

Acquire nevada into his empire saul goodman recently worked for the empire of chatlantis but he hopes that saul will now work for him what up big saul i have a proposal for you we’ll give you corn and in return you’ll find us a way to legally acquire the state of nevada

Saul goodman is very impressed he loves free food as much as anybody so he agrees to help true but before he can begin working on the case he needs to go to the capitol why saul you didn’t do that for the other guys he packs up his

Belongings and takes a taxi to the capitol while he’s riding in his taxi he suddenly remembers something important hey driver do you know where the white house is yeah dude it’s right over there thanks for the info i’ll be sure to tip you well once saul gets to the white

House he walks in and meets with the president what the [ __ ] does this have to do with getting me nevada hello president says saul i’m here to meet with the president oh yeah what’s up well i represent the emperor of doug cota and i’m here to discuss the acquisition of your state president

Lincoln is shocked he’s never heard of doug cota and he certainly didn’t know that the emperor wanted to buy his state you mean doug town that place in wyoming that’s right wait why would i want to sell my state to you because doug town has more corn

Than anything else true answers salt and the emperor desperately needs corn to feed his people i mean i’ll take washington d we agreed that would be a state why does the emperor need corn ask the president he plans to create a huge corn farm in wyoming and then bring his

People to the u.s and start a corn farm of his own that sounds like a good idea says the president let me call you back i think i might be able to help you saul is very happy to hear this he hopes that the president will agree to the deal so

He can get back to work but before the president hangs up he says something unexpected by the way you have some nice shoes saul doesn’t know what to say he’s never seen the president wearing shoes before he wonders whether he should thank him for complimenting his shoes or

Maybe he should tell him to go to hell he decides to do neither instead he just sits there patiently and waits for the phone to ring all right please president lincoln sell me washington d a few hours later the president calls back sorry to bother you again says the president but

I’ve talked to a lot of lawyers and none of them know how to legally acquire a state except for salt come on you can do it saul you can do it it seems like you’re the only person that can help us that’s great news exclaims what no it

Isn’t i’ll get started right away but as soon as saul hangs up the phone he notices that someone is standing right behind him hello saul says the man are you here to see the president no reply saul i’m just here to look around that’s weird i thought the president was

Meeting with you today i’m sorry sir explain saul but i came to talk to the governor of california is that the is that guy over there the governor yep that’s him says the man wait maybe i’m gonna get california right now saul follows the man towards the governor

Suddenly hears a voice from behind him hey who’s that guy saul turns around sees another man approaching him can you just get me nevada this man is tall and thin he wears a black suit and a white mustache who are you says saul my name is lincoln answers the man and i’m the

President of the united states okay we’re back with linkedin wow reply saul i feel honored lincoln smiles give saul a handshake nice to meet you says salt i’m saul goodman i’m here to discuss the acquisition of california wait maybe i’m gonna get california back i don’t remember inviting you to my office says

Lincoln aren’t they outside saul laughs he knows he shouldn’t laugh in front of the president but he can’t help himself he can’t believe that the president would accuse him of breaking into his office without even knowing him all right hold on hold on so to be clear i

Think saul goodman is arguing with the president of washington d.c about acquiring california legally i think calm down saul says lincoln i invited you here come on in saul enters the room there’s a desk in the middle and a chair next to it they begin talking about

Acquiring the state i’m saying the state i’m leaving it open-ended saul is nervous because he hasn’t done any research on the matter yet so he decides to ask the president lincoln for some advice how do you legally acquire a state okay we’re gonna go five more generations i’m not quite sure admits

Lincoln i’ve never had to deal with a situation like that before but i guess we could try to annex utah no i already have utah sounds good said saul what about nevada yes nevada is different explains lincoln it’s a desert state it has a lot of gold mines if we annexed

Nevada it would become our main source of gold do it saul do it this is four sounds good do you know any liar lawyers who specialize in acquiring states actually i know a guy says lincoln his name is saul goodman solid surprise saul you have one [ __ ] turn get me nevada

He’s never met a president before and he couldn’t imagine that the president of the united states actually knew his name really why do you know my name i don’t know your name replies lincoln what a [ __ ] waste i was so close like four times god damn it all right saul sucks

Ass he’s over in washington d right now with president lincoln all right you guys are up what do you want to do why do you want to kill saul oh to prevent him reform the nfl send the space pope into the sun to try to colonize it marry the space

Pope to saul goodman if she marries saul goodman he actually full-on joins your empire you would actually get saul goodman as a resource oh [ __ ] that’s actually kind of smart half saul sue my empire for war crimes all right you are deciding to marry the space pope to saul

Goodman if he agrees and they get married you do gain him as a permanent valuable resource washington d he’s nuts you’re fired get the hell out of here now that california and its sub-state arizona have joined chatlantis the government realizes just how incredibly valuable saul goodman has been and it

Would be an incredible advantage to have saul join the empire full-time plus he’s hot and so the space pope of chatlantis meets up with saul goodman in washington d to ask for his hand in marriage saul goodman says the space pope you’re hot stuff and your work for the empire has

Been invaluable we’ve got the moon we’ve got gold and most importantly we have me the space pope will you marry me saul goodman saul smiles and replies i’m afraid i can’t do that my love i still have unfinished business in mexico and i can’t abandon it just yet but what about

Me soul goodman don’t i mean anything to you she asks saul looks into her eyes and replies no you don’t you’re a space princess an alien princess at that wow saul’s kind of a dick and there’s nothing hotter than an alien princess wait what she smiles and replies i guess

You’re right i am pretty hot so saul goodman gets to work he files lawsuits against the u.s government citing their own laws to his advantage sorry chat saul’s a free agent he’s a free man you can’t pin him down kill him with the moon it’s clearly still going follow it

One more time you get one more generation one more he uses the alien tort statue to sue the us government and demand they pay him 10 billion dollars for violating the alien tort statue he also files a lawsuit against the us government for breaking the alien torch

Statue which will result in a fight of 10 million for each violation no this is [ __ ] irrelevant no the 10 billion is a resource no because you don’t own saul goodman because he didn’t want to marry your ugly ass oh [ __ ] roasted whoa no that’s not true

Chat even he said you guys are hot you guys are hot as [ __ ] you know what okay corn sucks i’m gonna get nevada this turn and then work for las vegas as a special resource next turn that would be sweet because once i have las vegas everybody’s gonna want to join the

Empire i’ll tell nevada since they’re basically a desert they join my empire they get a steady support steady supply of food meanwhile back in doug town the doug kota emperor has decided on a new strategy for growth we’ve got so much corn says the emperor but we need a

Source of entertainment so the emperor travels to nevada and meets with the nevada governor mr governor says the emperor join our great empire of dakota and we will supply you with all the corn you can eat in return we will build the city of las vegas but the nevada

Governor is skeptical he knows that joining the empire will be a bad move no it isn’t las vegas has nothing to offer says the governor and besides most of our citizens already live in california well that’s stupid don’t worry mr governor sugar’s the emperor our empire doug code is full of potential with

Enough time we will grow into a mighty nation true the governor isn’t convinced but he thinks that the empire is too powerful to ignore so he reluctantly agrees to join the empire after signing the contract the emperor makes his way back to utah let’s [ __ ] go i got

Nevada baby even though all my citizens are apparently in california with you guys none of my states have any population and the only ones that do have population i murdered them accidentally the score is six to eight what do you want to do have the space pope assassinate saul goodman you’re

Really upset with saul goodman guys he he got you like three states man hire saul goodman to do what to reform the nfl massacre doug cotton citizens they just joined the empire they didn’t even want to join all the people all the nevada people who evacuated to

California you could kill them but they don’t even want to be in my empire everybody in my empire is miserable dude send the space pope to the sun to colonize it you are welcome to fire your most valuable resource into the sun shoot missiles at oregon launch saul goodman in a space shuttle

Into the sun you would have to force him into the space shuttle but that’s technically an option go okay so you’re torn between hiring saul goodman to form the nfl or launching him into the sun your emperor empire has been heavily influenced by saul goodman looks like

You’re going for the nfl route the space pope’s offer for marriage didn’t work but she’s got another job for saul goodman anyways she walks up to saul goodman and proposes a deal saul goodman the empire of chatlantis needs you for another job we want to rebuild the nfl

In texas we love football we know that owning the nfl will make our citizens happy and strong will you legally rebuild the nfl for us saul looks at the space pope and replies of course my love i’d do anything for the chatlantis empire where was that kind of affection

Earlier when they were talking about getting married saul goodman officially becomes the commissioner of the houston texas and the dallas cowboys is that it is that the nfl you just have the two teams we’ll we’ll run a little bit more to see if there’s other details over the

Next few years the atlantean empire continues to expand and grow they take over no no no no no no this is stupid i think i feel like this is the first time that it’s just casually thrown in yeah and they take nevada like where that where did this come from where the [ __ ]

Did this come from now even though this bit about nevada came out of nowhere i had no real argument for why this shouldn’t count which means it’s all goodman just got them the nfl and stole nevada in a single turn that one guy who’s been fighting for the nfl play

This whole time he is just fish pumping in the air right now i told you nfl which consists of two teams by the way most boring [ __ ] nfl in history i need it i need a big turn i need to think of something that has a chance for

Like a bunch of states saul [ __ ] goodman i want to kill him i’m gonna [ __ ] kill saul chat you are so hot so at this point the score is ten to five you guys are way ahead we’re now adding two special resources onto the board the

First is in washington if you take the state of washington you will automatically get starbucks coffee which is an additional resource point on the other side of the country if you take ohio you get guy fieri who’s another additional resource points there’s now two states that give you a bonus if you

Can capture them okay here’s what i think i’m gonna do we take idaho we go for washington i secure that point then and only then do i take back nevada and go try to hire walter white saul goodman has been so insane i think it’ll do the

Same with walter white and i can get a big meth empire and maybe i can get all of texas addicted to meth and shut down the nfl i don’t care about people’s safety anymore i’m sending in the insane general time for me to turn this ship around let’s [ __ ] go a year has

Passed and the empire of doug cota has shrunk nevada was taken from the empire by the hands of saul goodman things are looking dire and the empire knows it needs an ace in the hole starbucks so they begin working their way northwest to begin with doug cota sends their

Deranged war crime general and king of north dakota to invade idaho with the ten thousand musketmen army the general marches into idaho and attacks but the battle is short-lived all of the idahoans are farmers and they know how to use their weapons the general’s army is slaughtered within minutes the

Idahoans burn all the war crime general’s body parts and bury the ashes in the ground [ __ ] i even lost my war crime guy goddamn farmers man all right you guys are up convince oregon to join the empire by offering them an nfl team so you’re just gonna use the nfl to

Get everybody to join send the space pope and paul sagan on a romantic date to the sun you cannot own the sun you can try to i guess but i hope that the ai would just burn you into a crisp all right send the space pope and saul

Goodman on a date to the sun we’ll have the space pope offer this to saul goodman and see if he’s interested i don’t know what you’re hoping to accomplish from this maybe saul goodman will colonize the sun for you i don’t know but as tantalizing as the earth is

The empire of chatlantis has always desired the sun and they know just the man to help colonize it so one fateful night the space pope approaches saul goodman yet again saul goodman as the space pope i control the united states space command and we have shuttles that

Can fly to the sun will you join me saul goodman sweetie will you join me on a romantic date in my space shuttle and fly to the sun then we can colonize it my love saul looks deep into her eyes and replies i’m afraid i can’t do that

My love i’m gonna need a lot more money before i’m willing to cross the solar system okay so he says no let’s go a little bit farther and see the space pope’s eyes widen and he whispers i knew it you only want me because i’m rich

Well then you’re out of luck because i don’t like you anymore oh no they’re having a falling out saul smiles and replies well that’s good to hear because i don’t like you either then he leaves the space pope alone the chatlantian empire continues its expansion i’m sorry

Guys you got rejected by saul goodman again kill him law do you want to kill saul goodman right now okay hear me out mormons actually work at the fbi a lot they have a lot of espionage that’s actually a known thing that i heard one

Time maybe it’s not true so i could use my utah influence to train a team of super mormon spies then i could send them into new mexico next turn and hire walter white from you are there lots of mormons in the fbi why mormons make great fbi recruits mormons in the fbi

Dude mormons love the fbi this is my ace in the hole the mormons you dumb [ __ ] giving me utah check this [ __ ] out the attack on idaho might have failed but that’s when the dakota empire realized they don’t need brute force to take the state not when they have

Mormons so the government tries to create a secret training program and build a new mormon fbi full of the greatest mormon spies of utah meanwhile doug town begins expanding they have plenty of corn and they want more but they also want to keep the peace and so they decide to purchase land from

Idahoans and turn it into a giant corn farm is this gonna give me idaho somehow they hire a farmer named jim jim has been farming for years he’s very experienced but he knows how to maintain a corn farm jim was a member of the mormon fbi but he quit after becoming

Disillusioned with the organization so i have the mormon fbi now he’s back at it and he’s ready to do whatever it takes to protect the empire one day jim has a visitor in seoul goodman kill him hello mr jim says saul i’m here to offer you a

Job what kind of a job asked jim i represent the emperor of doug cota okay so i hired him i guess and i’m here to recruit you do i get jim you mean doug town asked jim what’s the emperor gonna pay me for ten thousand dollars a month

That’s not what he had that’s way too much money says jim i don’t need ten thousand dollars a month i can make that myself listen jim says saul there’s no other way to earn that amount of money that’s fine says jim but if you want me

To join you’re gonna have to sweeten the deal how about twenty thousand dollars done says saul jim is happy that saul is willing to work with him but he still wonders why he’s being offered such a high salary saul explains it to him oh this is doug towns tax money and i’m

Here to make sure that the empire gets every penny of it what jim is happy to hear this he’s even happy to learn that his 20 000 monthly paycheck will be directly deposited into his bank account he understands that the dakota empire needs a lawyer to manage their finances

And he accepts saul’s proposal i got jim that’s a special resource finally i add on to the board corn plus jim who is a former fbi agent to be clear and is maybe my accountant now i wasn’t clear about the last part jim has mfbi training

What do you guys want to do shoot satellite missiles to kill saul goodman seduced jim with the space pope no no you can’t [ __ ] i guess you could i guess that’s sort of allowed like stealing a resource [ __ ] that is allowed okay all right looks like you’re gonna

Send the space pope to try to marry jim away from my empire this better not [ __ ] work can i say that the space pope is heartbroken no she doesn’t like saul oh yeah yeah she said i don’t like you anymore you’re right you’re right right that would be completely

Ridiculous brilliant chat try to seduce the corn mormon of all people with a catholic space pope yeah that’s true you’re trying to get my mormon mention that she’s hot no okay she is hot though hot and rich fine after being rejected by saul goodman the space pope knows that she needs to marry

Someone who will truly help the chatlantis empire and it just so happens that a new leader has entered doug cota the famous ex-mormon fbi agent turned farmer jim and the space pope is hot and rich and so the space pope tracks down jim in doug cota and proposes a marriage

Jim hesitates at first but then he realizes that the space pope is extremely attractive plus she’s rich no so he decides to accept her proposal the space pope tells jim they’ll have two kids and the space but will raise them as her own grandchildren i’m going two

More call it off call it off jim this will allow jim to keep the farmer giving him a family and a legacy jim accepts the space pope space pub congratulates herself for finding a good man and then she tells saul goodman that she’s ready to leave for new mexico god damn it jim

[ __ ] all i have is corn again how um how how the [ __ ] do i get idaho how do i get idaho man i feel like idaho is the key to unlock washington my army is still dead you know what i’ll do since all i have is corn i’m gonna offer corn to

Idaho and i will let them know that they could make corn flakes with them maybe idaho really [ __ ] wants cornflakes if i take idaho everything’s fixed before jim could begin working for doug cota he was swept off his feet by a beautiful and rich space pope and eloped with her

To the empire of chatlantis and now without their beloved gym doug cota has to resort back to corn but they have a plan the idaho and farmers might not be persuaded by warfare but they might be persuaded by corn flakes which you could make from all the corn so the dakota

Emperor travels to the governor of idaho and gives him an offer mr governor please join our empire we have bountiful corn harvest and our top scientists believe that you could invent a corn flake cereal from them with the right technology if you joined doug kota corn

Flakes could be yours come on take the bait you son of a [ __ ] the emperor’s right by adding cornflakes to their diet the idahoans would consume millions of kilograms of corn every day i don’t have that much and this corn will become a major source of income the empire of dog

Cota is willing to give idaho everything they need to create corn flakes very well says the governor but first things first i’ll send one of my men to inspect your corn crop once i’m satisfied with its quality we can negotiate the price come on like my corn like my corn the

Emperor happily agrees but he has a small concern will the inspection process take long oh no says the governor won’t take more than two days two days later the idaho and army arrives at the empire of doug cota they have ten thousand soldiers and they march at their enemies those

[ __ ] the emperor and his advisors watch from afar maybe they’re coming in peace should we stop them ask the emperor no says saul what the [ __ ] is salt let them come we’ll win against these farmers trust me the emperor believes solved and so saul prepares to face the army alone the dakotan army

Arrives at the border halt shouts one of the soldiers who are you shout saul we are the idaho army and who are you i am general william tecumseh sherman william tecumseh sherman assault are you sure that’s your real name yes i invented my own name you could call me iron balls

Sherman and who do you work for assault i work for the king of north dakota okay north dakota assault what does it have to do with anything nothing asks iron balls but it makes me sound tough saul has a feeling there’s something wrong with the general where’s your king shout

Saul i demand to see him immediately i am the king of north dakota as he yells the general and you shall never see him that’s not possible that shout saul i just saw him yesterday impossible cries out the general i was in canada saul is stunned by this revelation he wonders

How the general could lie about something like that well says saul i hope you had fun in canada canada screams the general i was in quebec i didn’t go anywhere near canada quebec why would you go to canada i hate canada screams the general i think it’s a

Horrible country i wanted to see the world but i was denied entry into russia and france okay can i can i get this back on rails the empire of doug cota decides to leave the decision to saul saul doesn’t want to fight but he wants

To get rid of the idahoans as soon as possible if the idahoans join doug cota the empire will be able to buy the dakotas food and cornflakes will we and if the idahoans refuse then the empire can destroy them but saul decides to play along he pretends to consider the

Idea of allowing the idahoans to join dakota no don’t pretend please consider that real but he knows that if he lets the idaho is in he’ll eventually run out of corn true so he convinces the emperor to give him a couple of days to come up with a solution the emperor agrees and

Saul heads back to doug town okay doug town’s my capital right saul is back in doug town and begins working on a solution he realizes that he needs to get the emperor to agree to some terms and if the emperor agrees then he’ll have leverage over the emperor give me

Two days to man salt of the emperor and i will solve this problem the emperor agrees to saul’s proposal but saul still doesn’t know what to do he has to figure out a way to convince the idahoans to join doug cota okay but we’re still sort of focused here otherwise the empire

Will starve in the meantime saul meets with several other people who are trying to help the empire one of them is a man named mel he works for a company called pepsico do i get pepsico i guess we we haven’t confirmed where that is mel says

Saul do you have any ideas about how we can convince the idahoans to join dakota maybe we should try advertising suggest mel with enough money we could sell them corn flakes and they join us in no time sounds good says salt but you know how much money we’re talking about no answer

Smell but if you want to get rich you’ve got to spend money classic mel saul is already rich but he knows he can’t just sit around waiting for the emperor to come up with a solution so he goes to meet the emperor mr governor says saul i

Need your help help with what asks the governor how do we convince the idahoans to join doug cota don’t worry says the governor i’ll figure something out and that’s exactly what saul did he met with all the other companies in doug town and they created a huge ad campaign for

Months they advertised the empire’s corn harvest this has gotta work and they told the idahoans that doug cota would give them everything they needed to become wealthy and it worked the idahos were convinced they believed the empire could provide them with food and cornflakes and they decided to join doug

Cota and now the empire is 50 000 soldiers who are ready to fight let’s go i got idaho huge play from soul [ __ ] goodman dude oh and i want to give a big shout out by the way huge shout out to mel from pepsico for giving saul the idea all

Right i’m back on the board let’s go i get washington that’s two more i’m up to eight all right chad you guys are up where you going send jim in a shuttle to the the sun don’t [ __ ] whatever i don’t care jim is dead to me a lot of people

Are saying kill saul goodman how do you want to kill him i need more details than that oh hit him with a missile idaho sponsored by pepsi god classic idaho sends saul to the coal of mine oh send jim to assassinate saul goodman and he’s a former fbi agent i

Changed my mind divorced gym and marry iron balls you guys can’t take iron balls for me he’s all i got chat all right your options invade idaho convince iron balls to join chatlantis wait hold on before you vote for this he is not a resource you won’t get him as a that’s

Not a point because i don’t have him as a point right now wait hold on if you give me iron balls as a special resource and then you try to take it from me that’s fair new poll is all iron balls a special resource what’s fascinating here

Is that this is a strictly bad play this is not like this is just giving me an advantage and no advantage to you guys because you don’t inherently like have an advantage by iron balls existing which means that you guys are just so infatuated with all iron balls the

General that you were willing to give me a point just for a chance to take him from me okay as part of that acquisition i also get general iron balls as a special resource that’s another point so even with the option to send the space pope to marry general iron balls you

Still want jim to assassinate saul goodman instead man you guys [ __ ] hate it’s all good it makes an insane amount of sense for ryan paul to be the kid because the kid was the son of the north dakotan king and jenna lyon boy oh you’re right he was the north dakotan

King now dude somehow the cannon has actually connected back to my war crimes at the beginning of all this after jim and the space pope get married and have a romantic sexy honeymoon the space pope sits down with jim and asks a favor dearest jim i love you more than all my

Money cause i’m hot and rich but there’s a traitor to the chatlantis empire who must be brought to justice you can use your skills as a former mormon fbi agent to assassinate him you must kill saul goodman jim agrees so saul goodman goes to new mexico and meets up with the

Space pope he apologizes for having sex with her daughter and promises he’ll never do it again we do need to where’s jim saul goodman returns to new mexico and starts working on another lawsuit to annex new mexico you already have numero after a few months the space boat calls

Jim and tells him she’s pregnant she tells him that she’s pregnant with his child jim is shocked and immediately goes to a lawyer to look over his contract he found out he can’t fire her without paying a fine so he stays quiet but he still feels conflicted then jim

Goes to assassinate saul goodman where the hell did any of that come from saul’s in his office when jim arrives saul takes off his sunglasses and jim sees that saul’s eyes are covered in tattoos so he shoots him you son of a [ __ ] saul has a heart attack and dies

One week later jim runs into the pope in the grocery store and asks her hey space pope is all dead she smiles and replies yes he’s gone jim looks at her suspiciously how do you know i can read minds your mind is saying i killed saul good he’s definitely dead the scourge of

Chatlantis is finally gone even though he’s the man who got you most of your empire by the way you guys just killed the commissioner of the nfl jim takes over man you guys [ __ ] love jim my army is back i’m going for washington and i can take their starbucks besides i

Just got 50 000 soldiers because of my idaho and ad campaign right as saul tries to figure it out he is assassinated by jim the ex-mormon fbi agent saul goodman is dead and will not come back ever but it doesn’t matter because doug cota now has a new secret

Weapon general iron ball sherman who leads the idahoan army so general ironballs marches his army of 50 000 soldiers and farmers up to the borders of washington state and begins to invade if they win they can take all of starbucks washington state’s governor sam brownback is worried he knows that

The emperor of doug cota has thousands of soldiers and farmers but he doesn’t know much about their strength general ironballs shouts to governor can you please call me back i need information sorry says ironballs my phone is broken the governor doesn’t understand why his general his general is lying to him i

Don’t have time to explain says iron balls just send the empire’s army home why ask the governor they have hundreds of thousands of soldiers hundreds of thousands of soldiers last iron balls don’t be stupid yeah it’s like 50 000. you mean to tell me that you came all

The way from idaho ask the governor and you haven’t killed anyone i haven’t killed anyone are you crazy ass iron balls i just came here to talk to the idahoans now get out of my way or else i’ll destroy your city what is going on the governor is scared he knows that the

Empire will attack his city in a few hours and so he sends out the oregonian army wait what they’ve allied but before the oregonians can arrive saul goodman comes down from heaven and destroys the armies of dakota what the [ __ ] saul am i dead i lose planned this was not [ __ ]

Planned there’s no way you plan for jim to murder saul so he comes down and destroys who is soul what is he doing this was so planned and you know what the worst part is you know what the worst part is now [ __ ] saul goodman is back canonically which means you

Could hire him to take oregon [ __ ] is saul and angel canonically saul is now also an angel yes hire saul goodman to legally acquire heaven have jim assassinate god if we marry god do we get him as a resource yes okay you’re voting to have saul goodman try to acquire heaven

Technically you could be on game point if you get both heaven and god or heaven and like oregon or something good luck chat you are shooting for the stars here but suddenly saul goodman descended from heaven as an angel and destroyed the doug coden army saving washington state

From ruin the space pope and jim are shocked saul goodman is back and that means they can hire him again so the space pope calls saul saul goodman i am hot and rich and pregnant and i can read minds we’ve heard about your heavenly transformation and the empire of

Chatlantis has a proposal we would like you to sue god and legally acquire heaven for our empire will you do it saul will you legally get us heaven saul looks into the space pope’s eyes and replies of course my love i do anything for you don’t they hate each other the

Space pope thanks him and hangs up then she calls jim uh-oh dear jim i’m pregnant with your child i’m also still hot and rich but there’s something else you should know saul goodman is suing god for ownership of heaven and we think he might win there’s no [ __ ] way so

If you ever want to see your wife again you’d better join us so jim joins the empire of chatlantis and together they sue god god takes the case to the supreme court of the united states where they agree that heaven blocks to the shadow oh the goddamn supreme court again [ __ ]

Okay chat you’ve got five states the moon and heaven i can still get washington though doug this is what you get for not taking over the supreme court and instead focusing on corn how was i supposed to know the supreme court would give you heaven i have to go

For washington again because i get the two points and i need that before you guys take it i’m offering them general iron balls that’s all i got washington people don’t like corn i’ll say they can have general iron balls as their king if they join my empire with their army

Destroyed the doug cota empire now must use diplomacy to expand the empire no one has wanted their corn but they know they’ve got one thing that’s irresistible general iron ball sherman the lifelong north dakotan the washington people might not want their corn but everybody wants iron balls as

Their king so the empire of dakota formerly offers iron balls to washington’s governor in exchange for an alliance into the empire i really explained what i want here please give it to me the governor agrees and general iron balls becomes the governor of washington state do i win i got it right

But it turns out that iron balls has a very hard time running a state he doesn’t understand the concept of taxes and he doesn’t really care about washington okay i’m considering this for five turns unless iron balls ruins washington state i think i get washington he’s more concerned with

Finding a wife is there anyone you like ask the emperor or do you want to marry a girl from north dakota a girl from north dakota okay four more i thought you said you like girls from washington i do says the emperor but i also want a

Wife from north dakota she’ll be much easier to control oh says iron balls but i don’t know any north dakota girls then you’ll just have to find someone else says the emperor it’s fine are they going to talk about washington or ironballs is upset he thinks that the

Emperor is being unfair in his eyes the emperor’s only goal is to make sure he gets married to a north dakota girl okay this is it as long as i don’t lose washington if you think i’m going to marry any north dakota girl says iron balls you’re wrong and so iron balls

Leaves the empire no it takes him three years to travel back to north dakota where he finds someone named mary [ __ ] i still have washington i still have washington i just lost iron balls why did i go one more [ __ ] chat you guys are up you’re on game

Point you have 12 points total if you get to 13 you’ve won pope is getting more hot and pregnant by the minute okay offer god an nfl team if he joins that’s a pretty good one space bubba jim try to marry god recruit iron balls into the empire send jim

Try to marry god god could be your winning ticket ask god and saul goodman to legally acquire the sun hear me out ask saul goodman to legally acquire god all right here are your options okay saul goodman can he close out the game for you can he acquire god if you get

God that’s a special resource and that’s point 13. here we go but technically chatlantis doesn’t own god and they know that their utopian empire will only be complete if the heavenly father joins chatlantis only then will they have truly dominated doug cota in the race to

Take over america but how on earth could they get god to join the empire what person could possibly accomplish such a task that’s when it hit them and the space pope called saul saul goodman she explained your work is almost done and i am hot and rich and psychic and pregnant

But one final task remains we need you to legally acquire god into the chatlantis empire please do this for me for jim give us god saul saul looks at her replies okay my love here’s the plan on the day of judgment god will send a prophet to tell people to repent and

Follow christ wow we’re get we’re getting into it okay the prophet will travel across the country spreading the word of salvation when he arrives in chatlantis the space pope will give him a book it will contain all the laws of the empire and it will show him the path

To eternal bliss wait are you guys gonna try to get jesus to join what does the prophet have to do with me the space pope asked saul replies he has to kill you and capture your soul as his own and saul leaves new mexico he travels to dc

And meets up with the space pope together they create a plan to capture the prophet you’re trying to kidnap jesus two weeks later the prophet arrives in washington dc okay he’s dressed in a white robe and he has a long hair and beard can they do it his

Name is jesus of nazareth and he’s been sent by god to preach about salvation the prophet will walk through the capital city of washington d telling everyone that he is a messenger from god people will believe him and they’ll gather around him and then saul goodman will appear he’ll stop the prophet and

Shoot him in the head saul says this as if it were a normal thing to do wait so it hasn’t happened right i don’t think saul shot jesus yet okay wait wait okay so solving the space port make the necessary preparations to wait for jesus couple days later the space pope

Receives a phone call from the property tells her i am here in dc wait jesus called the pope i okay i’m here in dc i haven’t seen saul yet but i’ve already captured his partner she’s in a room full of rats oh no the space bulb exclave so i was

Gonna kill both of us what should i do just act normal tell saul that everything is okay don’t panic and don’t let anyone in the room see you just stay hidden and maybe a miracle will save us maybe a miracle will save us all the space pope whispers the prophet hangs up

And the space pope puts her hand over her face to hide it then she looks at saul and tells him saul i’m scared come with me saul follows her and they go into a secret room filled with rat cages there’s jesus tied up with a rope wait

So i think so goodman captured jesus he’s blindfolded and gagged and he’s sitting in a chair surrounded by rasters hunter all over him even in his mouth and thus saul goodman and the space pope successfully kidnapped jesus christ including a very long torture scene which we will now skip and that ladies

And gentlemen is how the great empire of chatlantis earned their 13th point and officially took over the united states of america congratulations but what is the point of taking over america if you still don’t have an nfl commissioner i give you three chances 20 gifted subs if jesus joins the nfl but i

Just have one more question says the space pope this question is the real reason we kidnapped and tortured you jesus yes ask jesus will you become the new commissioner of the nfl why do you want that because i want football season to start so i can watch my favorite team

Play ah says jesus you see i can help you this is two because i know a guy who can make sure the super bowl never ends thank you says the space pope now please untie me i have to go tell saul the good news one more jesus undoes the ropes

Around the prophet’s hands and the space pope leads him out of the secret room as soon as they leave saul appears with his gun and shoots him in the head no deal saul assassinated jesus you still have no commissioner you might have the moon and saul goodman and

Heaven and jesus but you still got no nfl commissioner suck it chat